Five Rings: Mount Olympics

Superhero athletes deny gravity

2011-06-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

Australian diver Matthew Mitcham can fly, no problem

Photo from An Honorable German's Flickr feed.

Happy Olympic Day!

2011-06-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

Tune in tomorrow for more of our Summer Sports Spectacular. We must put that aside today, however, to contemplate instead the incredible Triumph of the Human Spirit (and no, I don't mean the statue of the same name in New York City).

It's Olympic Day!

A day to celebrate athleticism and wonder and joy and the games.

(Occasionally sponsored by McDonald's.)

Happy birthday to the original IOC, from which all this amazingness was born. Let's celebrate in style, with a little John Williams pumping:

Feel the fanfariness

True, the Olympics may just be another international sporting event. But it can be and often is so much more than that. At the risk of sounding like an NBC human interest cutaway, the Olympics features the most amazing athletes in the world doing what they do best. It's a love story between an individual and their nation and songs of bodies in the poetry of motion. It can foster peaceful competition between nations in times of international tension. It's about pride and perseverance, and honestly, the the games are the closest we humans will ever get to real super powers.

And yes, cheesy as it sounds, it can be about the triumph of the human spirit.

Tell 'em, Usain.

Cycling: S^3.2

2011-06-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right. Bicycles have been part of the modern Olympics since the very beginning, even though bicycles themselves weren't very old by the time 1896 rlled around. For goodness sakes, the first practical pneumatic tire wasn't invented until 1888!

What do you think their tires were made of?

Nowadays, the cycles are engineered to perfection, the exact tilt of the velodrome is calculated to within incredible specification, and there's nary a penny-farthing to be found.

One of the biggest changes in the sport came in 1984, when women were finally able to compete in cycling events.

Anna Meares, after setting a world record in the Women's 500 meters.

Athletics: S^3.1

2011-06-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Think with me back to 1896 for just a moment. Utah became a U.S. State, the Philippine Revolution erupted, and, most importantly, the first modern Olympiad took place in Athens, Greece.

On April 6, 1896, the first race was run by the first Olympians the world had seen for more than a millennium. 15 men lined up (not all at once now, the concept of heats is not new) to run 100 meters.

Thomas Burke won with a time of 12.0 seconds.

Thomas Burke probably didn't run in this little hat.

On August 16, 2008 in Beijing, China, Usain Bolt ran the same race in 9.72 seconds.

Usain Bolt celebrates his victory, sans little hat.

In those scant 2.28 seconds lies over a century of feet hitting pavement, discus throwing, and javelins. And sweat. Quite a bit of sweat.

Athletics as an Olympic discipline is also known as Track and Field. It has consisted of 52 different events for men over the years, including Tug of War,* as well as hurdles, the marathon, shot put, javelin, and racewalking.

There are honestly too many events involved to give each one a fair shake. They are all very different from each other, and each has its own set of stars and strategies. What works in an 800m race might not work in a 200m race. It's so important to hold that baton correctly during a relay. Long jumping is distinct from pole vaulting, which is in turn distinct from the high jump. And don't even get me started on the shot put.

Instead of failing at describing them all, I'll just say that I view athletics as an especially beautiful Olympic event, because, for the most part, humans are equally matched for it. Running and throwing are things that are basically innate within us, and it doesn't matter whether or not, for instance, Jamaica has enough snow or funding for a bobsled team. A kid from Kenya who is so inclined can run really, really fast just as well as a kid from America. And they could be beaten by a kid from Argentina, or Azerbaijan, or anywhere else in the world.

(As an aside, in 1908 Great Britain brought 126 athletes to the Athletics competition, or roughly 42 times more athletes than Austria or Bohemia brought that year. Granted, London was the host in 1908, but still.)

Athletics is one of the few sports in which almost every country can and does participate. And that, my friends, is awesome.

Here is my favorite example of people being awesome:

(If that made you cry, I'm sorry. But not that sorry.)

(To apologize, here: find out why the Pole Vault is considered the sexiest of the Athletics events.)

*Thank you, Wikipedia, for this amazing tidbit:

The events contested have varied widely. From 1900 to 1920, tug of war was considered to be part of the Olympic athletics programme, although the sports of tug of war and athletics are now considered distinct.^[1]

Also, please note: we have discussed this before.

The Big Five

2011-06-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

Beginning today, we here at Mount Olympics will be featuring something I like to call the Summer Sports Spectacular.

Sports.

You may have noticed that we're not, generally speaking, the sportiest bunch. After all, we get way more worked up about Canadian superheroes, Dick Ebersol's sweater (his glorious, glorious sweater), and, let's be real for a second, Quatchi, than I ever get about wrestling. Or water polo. Or marathons.

Well, all that is about to change.

This week we will cover the sports I'm calling The Big Five. These are sports that have been present at every single modern Olympics in the history of ever. These are sports that Pierre de Coubertin himself sanctioned at the first Olympics, way back in 1896.

Won't you join us for nonstop coverage of:

Athletics!

Cycling!

Fencing!

...and...

Swimming!

I can feel the excitement radiating from here. Join us, then, tomorrow, for more exciting coverage of the world of Athletics. Until then...

Yes, that is Wenlock and Mandeville. Yes, I drew them myself.

Yes, I'm maybe a little more proud than is strictly necessary.

What of it?

AND WE’RE BACK (but Dick Ebersol is not)

2011-06-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

Why. Hello there.

This old billboard from Atlanta 1996 is NOT INDICATIVE of the state of this blog.

It's been a bit of a ghost town around these parts recently, but all that's about to change. There are fewer than 500 days until the London 2012 Olympics! And we have so much to talk about!

Let's get started.

On May 19, Dick Ebersol stepped downed from NBC Sports. This is big news in the American Olympics world-- Mr. Ebersol produced several years of Olympics coverage for NBC and acquired exclusive US media rights of the Olympics. You can thank him for the wall-to-wall non-stop American exceptionalist coverage over the past decade.

It's big news for Mount Olympics mostly because of this:

Aw yeah.

Farewell, "This post has been brought to you by Dick Ebersol's sweater" tag. We will miss you dearly.

Strawberries? Cream?

2011-02-18T09:20:00.000-08:00

For somebody like me (i.e. an over-entitled American whiner), of the most challenging things about the 2012 London Olympics is that I can read all of the news about it, but actually understanding it is a completely different matter.

This is especially disturbing because I always thought of myself as somewhat of an anglophile. I routinely misspell traveling with two ls because I read so much British humour. (SEE? DO YOU SEE?) Terry Pratchett is my favorite author. I can do a reasonable BBC accent. I know what stiff upper lip means, I know that in England you gob instead of spitting, that people are gits instead of jerks, that you shouldn't use the term fanny in polite company.

But cor, blimey if I can't figure out what some of these news stories are trying to say. For instance: London 2012 to have strawberries and cream factor.

Strawberries and cream factor?

What?

London 2012: Sure to be delicious!

The article completely fails to elucidate what in the bloody hell they mean by that. This is as close as they get: "The London 2012 Olympics will have the feel of an English summer event, organisers said Thursday, bringing the strawberries and cream flavour and the open-air festival spirit to the Games."

Oh really? So... everything is going to be flavored of strawberries and cream? Are they taking their design cues from Willy Wonka?

"So when it came to London, the team said: 'What is quintessentially London, what is quintessentially English?' That's the sort of experience we're trying to drive through," he told AFP.
"It's actually a very simple model. It's park, garden, enjoyment, relaxation.
"All of those things speak to having a lot more fun in the Olympics," he said, otherwise "it won't have that fizz".

FIZZY STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM?

So, to our English readers, I implore you to help me out here. What the bleedin' 'ell could this possibly mean?

Russia gave us something beautiful.

2011-02-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

Remember that facebook album with all of the pictures of the possible mascots for the Sochi 2014 games? Well, they apparently left one out.

His name is Zoich, and he was created by Russian cartoonist zhgun. I think you'll agree: he is PERFECT:

The text says something like "The committee didn't choose him, but all the same he's better." AGREED.

You have no idea how excited I am by this. I don't understand ANYTHING in that video, but still I think it's amazing.

Sochi is choosing their mascot(s) slightly differently than usual. Instead of hiring a boring design firm to make a hideous excuse for a mascot out of thin air (I'm looking at YOU International Mascot Corporation).

From their website:

On September 1, 2010 the Sochi 2014 Organizing Committee opened the Russian national competition to design a Mascot, for the Sochi Games. The competition remained open for three months, during which time anyone wishing to get involved could send in their own mascot suggestion (or even several suggestions), take a look at other participants’ suggestions and give their evaluation of others’ sketched designs.
By the time the competition stopped accepting entries (on December 5, 2010), over 24,000 sketches had been sent in to the Sochi 2014 Organizing Committee. Entries could be sent in either via the Internet or by post. More than a million people followed the competition online, and each week we received over a thousand new entries.
The Sochi 2014 Partners were all fully supportive of the competition, helping to communicate news about it to the public. Application forms were made available in all of BoscoSPORT’s branches, all of Rosneft’s automobile repair centres, all of Volkswagen Group Rus’s showrooms and in every single MegaFon sales office. The Ingosstrakh insurance company mobilized 323 of its company offices in Russian to disseminate information about the mascot competition, and distributed around 30,000 application forms. Russian Railways gave all passengers on board its Sapsan trains the chance to draw a sketch of their proposed mascot while in transit. Meanwhile, Aeroflot arranged for its flight attendants to hand out application forms to passengers flying between Moscow and Sochi. Sberbank of Russia played an active role in keeping the public informed about the competition, through its corporate literature. And MegaFon even lent its support to a series of television programs entitled “The Star Mascot”, broadcast on the MuzTV channel. The Coca-Cola Company arranged special zone for the guests of Black Sea Day celebration in Sochi in October 2010. At the celebration every guest had a chance to participate in the Contest and propose their Sochi 2014 Mascot.
People from all over the country took part in the mascot ideas competition. All of Russia’s regions, from Kaliningrad to Khabarovsk, participated in it. The top three regions, in terms of participation, were: The Central, North-Western and Privolzhsky Federal Regions. The opinions of Russian citizens living abroad were also taken into consideration. There was no age limit to participation in the competition.
The results of the first round of the poll to select mascots for the Olympic and Paralympic Games were announced by an expert judging panel, which boasted famous names from the fields of culture, education, sport, business and politics. The competition’s judging panel was headed by Director General of the Channel One Russia, Konstantin Ernst.

Yeah. So basically, that "panel of experts," did something other than stab their eyes out after reviewing 30,000 sketches from the general public. They actually decided that your friend and mine, the beautiful and perfect Zoich, was unfit to compete. AND WHO ARE THEY TO JUDGE??? Oh, right. An expert judging panel, with famous people from the fields of culture, education, sport, business, and politics. Silly of me to ask, really.

Also, let me give you a word on what I think Zoich is. I think he's a take on Futurama's hypnotoad. You see, Futurama had the hynotoad as a recurr-- ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

Special thanks to Russia Travel Log for making this amazing.

OH MY GOODNESS POSSIBLE SOCHI MASCOTS

2011-02-08T15:05:00.000-08:00

They are the unknowns: we don't know their names, we don't know their backstories, we don't know where they came from, we don't even know what deeper meaning they are supposed to represent! But we do know that one of the mascots from this facebook album will be the mascot for Sochi 2014. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so excited.

So we don't know anything about them except that this one looks like Santa, this one is apparently a whale...? who skis? and this one is the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life.

Currently, this is in the lead for Facebook likes. And if that's the way we're deciding this year, more power to the cloud!

I want to know his or her name! I want to wear his or her scarf!

Is the IOC becoming more savvy when it comes to social media? Probably. It's hard to think of an organization that isn't at least a little bit more savvy about social media than the IOC back pre-Beijing, including the current IOC.

What they still haven't improved on is transparency. How is this decision going to be made? Are the facebook likes and tweets going to be taken into account? Are they just going to go for the one that can sell the most plushies? We have no way of knowing.

This guy, though. He knows. After all, he's gone through it once before. It's basically Misha from 1980! And he's waving hello! Hello Misha!

Awesome photo alert!!

2011-02-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

SUPERHERO STATUS: CONFIRMED

This photo is brought to you courtesy of the new Mount Olympics twitter account (OMG I KNOW)! It features Ele Opeloge of Samoa being a complete and total phenomenon while competing in the women's +75kg group A weightlifting event on August 16, 2008 in Beijing, China.

Photo credit: Jed Jacobsohn, Getty Images, retrieved off the IOC's Flikr.

Sponsorship isn't usually this awesome

2011-02-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

Back in the halcyon days of yore, I promised you all a series called "Follow the Money" where we investigated the Olympic sponsorship model and poked fun at things like this:

This is happening.

Or possibly this entire paragraph:

With a Chicken McNugget in one hand and his ski poles in the other, U.S. ski team member and defending moguls world champion Patrick Deneen answered the question, "How do you McNugget?" for an upcoming television ad showcasing McDonald's sponsorship as the official restaurant of the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games. With a broad smile, Deneen dipped his McNugget in one of the restaurant's signature sauces before launching into the powdery snow surrounding him.

Right.

But today I want to talk about a sponsor that is so so SO much cooler than McDonald's. It was just announced that Otto Bock will be a sponsor for the 2012 Paralympic Games. AWESOME.

Otto Bock is awesome in many ways, including its amazing building. Here, look:

Ooooooh.

You see, Otto Bock does something a lot more awesome than processing Chicken McNuggets. Otto Bock is a premier prosthetics company, perhaps the best in the world.

In sponsoring, they will be charged with keeping the equipment on which Paralympians rely in good working order. When they sponsored the 2008 Beijing Paralympics, they did 2,188 repairs for the 4,000 athletes. Amazing! It's like they're a coach, medic, and mechanic all in one!

A sponsorship deal like this is like the best seamstress in the world agreeing to both sponsor and fix Superman's cape. Or like being the pit crew for the best athletes in the world. It's a phenomenal setup.

This image is from a blog called Hipster Nascar about biking. You should totally check it out.

Does London 2012's Logo give you epilepsy?

2011-01-28T13:20:00.001-08:00

Probably not. But it is freaking me out. It's basically an optical illusion that you have to stare at for a while.

DID YOU SEE IT?? DID YOU SEE IT CHANGE??

Yes, it is freaky as all get out.

Jesse Owens and Hitler

2011-01-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

As mentioned previously, I can read your mind. Or rather, Google can read your mind, and then gives me your data. Thus, I can tell you that by far the most common search term that lands people on this little piece of bloguette* is "jesse owens and hitler." Mostly because of this picture:

I feel like I owe it to Jesse Owens to tell his story. As always, I owe Hitler nothing.

What makes the story of Hitler and Jesse Owens so resonant? Well, let's get a bit of context.

1936: A little background

1936 was not JUST the year Peter and the Wolf debuted in Moscow. Hitler, who had been elected in 1933, was quickly turning Nazi Germany into a force to be reckoned with. He had rejected the Treaty of Versailles and had begun to re-arm. Nazi Germany took over the Saar, a territory governed by the League of Nations, in 1935.

On March 7, 1936 Germany reoccupied the Rhineland.

On August 1, the Games of the XI Olympiad opened in Berlin.

Hitler and the Nazis only allowed members of the Aryan race to compete in the games.

America, knowing better (but, really, not that much better) chose our best athletes, including Jesse Owens. As an athlete at Ohio State, Jesse Owens had proven his incredible athletic prowess. At one period of 45 minutes in 1935, Owens broke three world records and tied a fourth (some sources say he may have also broken the fourth, but still).

Can you imagine breaking an average of one world record every fifteen minutes? Incredible.

The 1930s was not a decade made up only of fun and sports, however. It was the decade of the Great Depression, and the United States was a shockingly prejudiced nation. Coming out of the 1920s, the KKK's numbers were as high as they'd ever been. Segregation was common and Jim Crow laws were in full effect throughout the South.

Jesse Owens was the grandson of slaves and grew up sharecropping. And he was faster than anyone.

The 1936 Olympics: A Whole Lotta Nazis

In 1931-- a year before the Nazis began to rise to power and two years before Adolf Hitler was appointed Chancellor of Germany-- only two cities bid for the 1936 Olympics: Barcelona and Berlin. Unlike other bidding wars, this only lasted one round. Berlin basically beat Barcelona to a pulp.** After the first round was counted, Berlin had 43 votes to Barcelona's 16. The Olympics were going to Germany!

Here's where the spoilsport action begins.

The Reichssportführer (translated it means the head of the Reich's sports ministry, but it just sounds sinister) decided that the Olympics in specific and sports in general would be a perfect way to "weed out the weak, Jewish, and other undesirables."

The Nazis decided to go all out. As previously discussed, the 1936 Olympics began many of our proudest modern Olympic traditions, like the torch relay and vandalizing ancient Greek artifacts. After all, this would be an incredibly public demonstration of a resurgent German power. Or so he thought?

Hitler and Jesse Owens:

Here's the story that everyone likes to tell: Jesse Owens won the gold medal for the 100m sprint, the long jump, the 200m sprint, and the 4 x 100m relay. And Hitler flat out refused to shake his hand because he was black.

This is one of those stories that's true in that everyone believes it, it makes narrative sense, and it sums up the general emotions of the time in a concise way. It's not true, per se, in terms of what actually happened.

On the first day of the ceremonies, Hitler made a special effort to congratulate all the German gold medalists. The IOC decided that his congratulations were outside the bounds of good sportsmanship and showed favoritism. Hitler either had to congratulate everyone or congratulate no one.

He chose no one.

FDR: Also Kind of a Spoilsport

Did Hitler snub Jesse Owens? The only answer here is "sorta." Given the chance, he surely would have snubbed Jesse Owens, but he also would have snubbed every other non-German athlete. In his memoirs Inside the Third Reich, Albert Speer wrote:

"Each of the German victories, and there were a surprising number of these, made him happy, but he was highly annoyed by the series of triumphs by the marvelous colored American runner, Jesse Owens. People whose antecedents came from the jungle were primitive, Hitler said with a shrug; their physiques were stronger than those of civilized whites and hence should be excluded from future games."

That said, Hitler never snubbed Jesse Owens to his face. The President of the United States, though, that's a different story.

In Owens's own words: "Hitler didn't snub me—it was FDR who snubbed me. The president didn't even send me a telegram."

The story of the 1936 Olympics is without a doubt mostly about Hitler and the Nazis. But Jesse Owens's story is more complicated. It gets to the very roots of American discrimination in the 20th Century. And it's a much harder story to tell than the story of Hitler refusing to shake Owens's hand.

It might just be more important. Alas, I am out of time and attention span.

Jesse Owens at start of record breaking 200 meter race

___

*Get it? Like a baguette, only in blog form? No? Hm.
**Which, in retrospect, kind of reads like foreshadowing.

Read more!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Owens
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1936_Summer_Olympics
http://www.jesseowens.com/about/
And crack a dang book!

Wenlock and Mandeville: A whole lotta WTF.

2011-01-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

At first, when confronted with the sight of the 2012 London Olympic mascots, I had only one thought. "Oh my good sweet bippy," I said (mostly because Emily's office has an obscenity filter), "they're giving Izzy a RUN for his MONEY." Here, have a picture:

WHAT WHAT WHAT EVEN IS THIS

People, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. This is what happens when you allow marketing firms to make your mascot decisions for you.

From the Wikipedia article about them:

The Mascots are the world's first customisable mascots. They were formed from the last two drops of steel poured in a Bolton Steelworks to form the final girder of the 2012 stadium. Their magical skins are highly polished steel allowing them to change to relect the personality and appearances of the people they meet.

So what I'm hearing is that London 2012 is employing SHAPESHIFTERS with tax payer money. Sure, it's all well and good when they're shapeshifting into the Union Jack, but what happens when one of them steals your identity and your family away from you? I don't know if there's an applicable X-Files episode about this, but dang it there should be.

Let's return to the Wikipedia description for a moment:

They have cameras for eyes, taxi headlights, and Wenlock has friendship bracelets in the colour of Olympic rings whereas Mandeville has a pink stopwatch which symbolises that you can always do better, On the watch reads 0:20:12.

...Cameras for eyes? Seriously? I thought one of the greatest controversies in London in the past decade has been the use of CCTV cameras. This is a main topic for Banksy, one of the world's most recognized street artists. And they're HIGHLIGHTING it with the design of their mascots?

"Sure, come to the 2012 Olympic Games!" Wenlock and Mandeville seem to be saying. "We'll be watching you!"

And the rings as friendship bracelets.... just seem a little familiar to someone like me, who has, I admit, spent an unreasonable amount of time contemplating the meaning of Izzy's tail.

His eyes! His eyes are made of stars!

And I haven't even begun to talk about their origin story. Here's a link to a youtube video, but just in case you don't want to spend four minutes watching it, I'll give you the quick and dirty:

OUT OF A RAINBOW:

Voice over: "A great rainbow arcs over Barton and down onto a great steelworks where they're finishing the last girder for the Olympic Stadium."

It's the last day at the plant for George, who signs his name on the final girder and then takes two steel blobs and puts them in his pockets. He goes home, where his grandchildren and awkwardly buxom wife are waiting for him with cake.

That night, he turns the steel blobs into dolls or something. And then he gives them to his children like the lamest toys ever. The children run upstairs with their new toys, place them in the window, and then a RAINBOW comes and gives the blobs life. They frolic, posing like Usain Bolt and chirping oddly the whole time.

Voice Over guy returns: "Then suddenly, the RAINBOW is back. Wenlock and Mandeville know it's time to go, their journey is just beginning. So many adventures to have. So many people to tell. But they will meet again. In London. In 2012. You'll be there. They'll be there. The whole WORLD will be there."

So... the gist of this seems to be that London just released this menace on the world. That last line seems really threatening to me. "The whole WORLD will be there, Wenlock and Mandeville will SEE TO THAT." Thanks, London. Thanks a lot.

From Wikipedia again:

In other quarters their design has been greeted with some disdain. One columnist theorized that the pair were the product of a "drunken one-night stand between a Teletubby and a Dalek".^[8] Others have compared the mascots to Izzy, the mascot of the 1996 Summer Olympics, another critically panned mascot.^[9] However it has been reported that children of the target audience (5 to 15 years) find the duo enjoyable.^[10]

Terrifying? Or enjoyable? You decide.

Important Olympics/Orangutan News UPDATE

2010-08-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

Mostly for this picture:

It... appears to be working?

Important Olympics/Orangutan News

2010-08-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

Dutch Olympian to Teach Orangutans How to Swing -- Reuters

This is exactly what it sounds like. The Netherlands built a new enclosure for their orangutans, one that will allow them to swing around to their hearts' content. The problem? They've apparently forgotten how to do that.

The solution?

This guy.

No, really. The solution for this is to have Dutch gymnast Epke Zonderland enter the enclosure on Friday and, I am not making this up, swing from branch to branch, from tree to tree, in an effort to make the orangutans catch on.

Looks like it's working already.

O Canada! (True North, Strong and Free)

2010-02-28T16:23:00.000-08:00

Point the first: Let's let everyone know whose game they're playing.

Point the second: FuckYeahKateBeaton.

Point the third: The CN Tower is gold.

Point the fourth: Did Canada own the podium? Canada did not win more medals than the US. It did win more gold medals than any other country, and more gold medals than any other host country, ever.

In conclusion: Canada, I know it's not your wont, but feel free to bask. Just a little bit.

Hooray for the Olympics!

2010-02-27T15:06:00.001-08:00

Can I just say? Can I just say? I love it.

Ice Dancing!

2010-02-23T11:24:00.000-08:00

I do not own a TV. As such, my Olympics-watching has been happening mostly post-game (although that's what everyone is doing, thanks to NBC's not exactly simulcast).

But you guys! My roommate knows Charlie White, who is totally a medalist in Ice Dancing! I'll get my roommate to give me the rundown soon. In the meantime, have a picture of Plushenko looking peeved (or like he's whipping his body around much faster than normal).

V. V. French

2010-02-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

While Shaun White was melting everyone's faces off with his Double McTwist 1260, you might have been asking yourself, "What are the French snowboarders up to?" (Please note, if you were thinking this during Shaun White's performance, you are le crazy).

Two words: Sharpie Moustaches.

The coach! The coach has one!

YEAH.

Olympic Overload!

2010-02-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

Oh man, there is so much Olympics going on, I can't even say.

First off, we have an amazing entry into the field of sports journalism by Timothy Eagan, about Canada broadly and his fake ID specifically and national identity and all that good stuff.

And then we have some malfunctioning zambonis, that meant an intermission of about an hour for no good reason... but it gave us more time to ogle the speed skaters.

There's a good story in here somewhere about gender bias in the Olympics and why women aren't allowed to ski jump (spoiler alert: it's because they would beat all the men) but a Canadian curler could be competing while five months pregnant (awesome!!).

I've got to write more in-depth about the NBC coverage and the internet and twitter and Olympics Triple Play (and Dick Ebersol and Dick Ebersol's sweater) and why something like this can totally happen in this day and age:

Aaaaaand that's not even getting started on the incredible tales of athletic prowess, speed, precision, and artistry that are going on. So yes! I am going to get back to watching Shaun White beat the pants off everyone. In the meantime, here:

Enjoy your mind trip as you watch Quatchi watch himself WATCH YOU.

Reasons I love the Olympics:

2010-02-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

#123010398834: Great cover music.

#2039238480209393: Team Norway's curling pants. Update! Now available for purchase!

#32311232109292: Graham Watanabe:

When asked in a press conference (for probably the five-hundredth time this week) what it feels like to participate in the Olympic games, Watanabe, an American Snowboarder, said, “Try to imagine Pegasus mating with a unicorn and the creature that they birth. I somehow tame it and ride it into the sky in the clouds and sunshine and rainbows. That’s what it feels like.”

Graham Watanabe

An approximation of the beast he tamed and rode into the sky

Opening Ceremony!

2010-02-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

When I was but a wee lass, my family had an antenna system attached to the TV. Because we lived in the middle of nowhere, we had exactly three TV stations available to us: CBS, ABC, and PBS. All were grainy, but I was young and bright-eyed-- I didn't care. My friends had cable, but I didn't mind our grainy stations.

But no NBC, back in those days, meant no Olympics.

There was only one time that my dad went out and started tapping into the neighbor's cable. This was in 1992 for the Winter Olympics. For those two glorious weeks, I held my breath as Kristi Yamaguchi triple axeled her way into my heart.

Flash forward to today. I again find myself without cable, but no matter! I have a laptop with which to watch the live stream.

Only... NBC wasn't streaming. And CTV was inaccessible to Les Américains. So there I sat, refreshing three different liveblogs and reading twitter streams and imagining what it must be like.

Apparently it was a nice ceremony. I've been able to see some clips now, and I'll be sure to watch the entire thing someday soon. In the meantime, a big shout out to Kate Beaton, or @beatonna as she is sometimes known, for keeping me happy while I was not watching the torch being lit.

Yes.

Tragedy

2010-02-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

I realize this is old news, but news it is: the Olympic Movement suffered one of its greatest tragedies right before the Opening Ceremonies when Georgian luge athlete Nodar Kumaritashvili lost control of his sled, smashed into a pillar, and died while taking a training run on Whistler's luge track.

My urge is to make light of even the most serious of incidents, but I will try and refrain. He will be remembered as a great athlete from a little country, a young man who never reached his full potential.

Goodbye, Nodar. I hope you thought you were flying.

Canadian Superheroes: Official Designation

2010-02-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

We here at Mount Olympics are rather proud of the tags on this here blog, but perhaps we have never been prouder than at this very moment. From today's New York Times Sports Section:

February 12, 2010
A Fashion Statement Designed to Grab Gold

By KAREN CROUSE
RICHMOND, British Columbia — Look at that figure streaking into view on the Richmond Oval. Is it a crossing guard? Is it a backpacker?
Actually, it is Christine Nesbitt of Canada in her new superhero bodysuit.

We here at Mount Olympics have been using the "Canadian Superheroes" tag for just under two years, and we treasure it as one of our greatest innovations. As such we will take this opportunity to be a little bit smug. Yes, that's right, New York "Our Coverage Takes the Gold" Times. Because we called it.

OMG Google

2010-02-12T06:58:00.000-08:00

OMG OMGOMGOMG

I am SO EXCITED!!!

Google ski view

2010-02-11T05:58:00.000-08:00

Back in the heady days of 2007, I once dreamed that I could attend the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. It was my plan. I was going to do it.

Now, with a job and some responsibilities, I realize that going for the official Games is ridiculous. (I still occasionally check ticket prices in mid-march for the Paralympic games...) BUT I still want to be there!

And Google has made it as close to possible as I'll get. Fantastic.

How Badass is Curling?

2010-02-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

According to the BBC, it is really, really badass.

BBC Sport - 2010 Winter Olympics Inuit Animation

NO snow at the Winter Olympics??

2010-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

Remember how I said earlier that the Winter Olympics were, at least to some degree, dependent upon the natural world? Well, there are those who wish that were not the case.

I am having a little bit of trouble with this concept, primarily because the only time I visited Vancouver, it was snowy and cold and fairly wintry outside. Also, my house currently looks like this:

Quatchi sees nothing but snow

Apparently, though, there is a heatwave going on in the Pacific Northwest right now! It's in the upper 40sF (between 6 and 12 Celsius) in Vancouver right now. It's crazy. CRAZY!

It's almost like all of their snow came and dumped on the Eastern Seaboard of the US.

Seriously, it's apparently beautiful out there, but that's not what we want. We want snow! Lots of it!

Let me be clear. We want that in VANCOUVER, not here.

Costumes: Usually not heinous

2010-02-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

When last we spoke, I promised to return with some incredibly ridiculous figure skating costumes. I did some research, and it turns out that each ridiculous costume has redeeming value. For instance, Johnny Weir is lauded in some cases for his "ornate, unapologetic style." And no matter what you think of his sometimes questionable choices, you can't help but admit that he wears them like a star.

In another article, Vera Wang (who is apparently in the Skating Hall of Fame for costume design) reviewed some of the costumes of years past. And apparently even neon has its place.

Questionable, but still.

But thank you, Emily, for sending me the article that opened my eyes to the sordid nature of ice dancing costumes. Because really? There is absolutely no excuse for this:

I mean... no.

Figure Skating: A History

2010-01-25T15:20:00.000-08:00

This book: it exists.

I tried to check this book out from the library, but it turns out the library does not have a copy of it. "All right," I thought, "screw research." As such, this post will be light on the history, heavy on the Wikipedia, and exhaustive on the skaters in silly costumes.

This is as it should be.

We begin our journey in 1772 when an Englishman named Robert Jones published A Treatise on Skating. He described ice skating as a formal and stiff affair-- that is to say totally and completely English in every way. (To review, the Irish dancers keep their arms rigid because the English tried to root out free-wheeling Irish culture and make everything as staid and inelastic as possible.) This "English Style" of ice skating would not last long, though.

In the mid-1860s, instead of, you know, defending freedom and justice in the American Civil War, Jackson Haines was developing the figure skating style we now know and love. He was a ballet dancer, and he worked to incorporate the same grace and performance into his figure skating performances. He was the first to incorporate much of what we now understand figure skating to be-- the first to incorporate music, the first to actually attach the blades to his boots (instead of, you know, strapping them on), and the first to really do athletic moves in skating. As it turns out, it was hard to stick your landing when your skates were attached with what was basically twine.

Also please note the early introduction of ridiculous costumes.

Then some history happened. It mostly did not involve ridiculous costumes. Pity.

Meet Madge and Edgar Syers. Madge is, to date, the oldest Ladies' gold medalist at age 27.

Also, what is going on with her hat (head cake)?

Join us next time as we bring skating into the modern era with all kinds of technological advancements. Mostly? Sequins.

Winter Olympics

2010-01-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Snow! Chill in the air! People sledding down incredibly slick tracks face first! It can only mean one thing: the Winter Games are almost upon us!

The first Winter Games were held in Chamonix in 1924, but nobody knew it at the time. What?

It appears we are at the Winter Olympics, my dear.

Basically, the IOC held a "Nordic week" at the 1924 Olympic Games. Previously, figure skating and hockey had both appeared at the Olympics, but it had become clear that a new approach was needed. Perhaps a week all to themselves? How about eleven days that we'll call a week? Perfect.

Bobsledding was a lot more dangerous back in those days. For one thing, there were GIANT EAGLES clearly bent on killing. Also, no helmets.

From there, it was only a matter of time before the Winter Games became their own event. And once that had happened, why not retroactively declare that "Nordic Week" had actually been the first Winter Games? In fact, why not retroactively declare Pierre de Coubertin King of Everything Forever?

YEAAAAAH!

However they began, we here at Mount Olymics are glad the Winter Games persevered. (And not just because I gets a huge crush on the speed skaters every single time.) Winter sports showcase a rare instance of athleticism in sync with the natural (or semi-natural) world. You can't ski without snow. You can't skate without ice. And you can't win without understanding that your fate is, in some inextricable way, tied to that of the natural world. Fantastic.

See you there.

Photo credits:
Gillis Gafstrom, a Swedish figure skater Gillis Grafström and Norwegian Sonja Henie, 1924.
Poster from Chamonix games, complete with terrifying eagle.

Canada: NOT MESSING AROUND THIS TIME

2010-01-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

Oh, Canada. Not my home and native land, but I love you just the same. We have had some good times together, you and I, and shared many laughs.

But no more.

For the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games, however, Canada is taking itself very seriously. Although it has long been a huge player in international winter sporting competitions, Canada has never really come out on top. The world-class Canadian athletes have long settled for silver and bronze, allowing countries like Norway, Russia, and, embarrassingly, the US to dominate.

Hosting the Games hasn't helped, either. During the 1976 Montreal [Summer] Games and the 1988 Calgary Winter Games (think Amik the beaver and Hidy and Howdy), the Canadian team did not win a single gold medal. The Soviet Union dominated both tournaments and the US team made it into the top ten both times.

“We’re the only country to host two Olympic Games and never have won a gold medal at our Games,” Cathy Priestner Allinger told the New York Times. “It’s not a record we’re proud of.”

Well, Canada is fed up and is not going to take take it any more. They are going to win some gold medals come hell or high water. It is taking precautions that some have even termed "American," an insult indeed. For instance, it has limited the practice time American teams are afforded. Also, this year's slogan? "Own the Podium." YEAHHHH!

"Own the Podium is obnoxious and un-Canadian," says Louise Fox, a Canadian etiquette expert told the Wall Street Journal. "Up here we don't toot our own horn like that."

Well, toot away Canada. You toot your pants off. I'll be cheering for you.

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Links links links:
"Welcome to Canada... Prepare to Lose," WSJ.
Luge federations spar over Whistler training time , CTV.
Canada protects home advantage at Olympics, NYT.

Challenges

2009-11-30T20:13:00.000-08:00

I have a couple of points to make:

I am pretty much not better than an Olympian at anything, except maybe snark.

That push up thing? I could maybe do that with lady push ups. Maybe.*

Olympians are good at sports. This is the profession of an Olympian. I am unable to challenge a professional athlete at athletics.

At whom is this targeted? I mean, the hula-hoop makes it seem like it's a kids' thing, but then again it's not specified. And it doesn't say there's an age limit.

Wait, I think I've got it! There's one person who can give that snowboarder a run for her money...

*Okay, so I tried it. I did one lady-push-up-hand-clap and stuck the landing. Then I collapsed into giggles, which doesn't seem like the Olympian did. A second attempt was a mistake; there was nowhere to land but my elbows. In conclusion, I am not better at upper body strength than an Olympian. *Surprised face!*

76 Days!

2009-11-27T11:57:00.000-08:00

As the torch does its loop around the harbor, let us discuss a matter that all Mount Olympics readers are incredibly interested in: Mascots!

The mascots for the first! ever! Youth Olympics in Singapore. (It's like the real Olympics, only smaller. Think... Little League.) And what does every modern international sporting event need?

Spirit Animals. Or something...

Oh yeah.

Lyo (pronounced Leo) and Merly are a lion and some sort of aquatic... mammal... (with ribbons for hair?) who are very concerned with the environment and, you know, youth. EXCITING! According to the FAQs, no plushes are available as of yet.

Ah, Wikipedia has informed me that Merly is a merlion. Like a mermaid, only in lion form. Maybe her hair can act as gills? Or something?

77 DAYS!

2009-10-22T11:34:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness. How time has flown! With all the excitement about Rio's underdog victory as 2016 host city (and perhaps my unhealthy fascination with the Obamas), we here at Mount Olympics have failed to properly prepare you for Vancouver, which is a mere 77 days away!

The torch is already on the move here, people! We have been remiss! For those who are wondering, tomorrow it will be traveling by "large fishing boat" in Shippagen, New Brunswick. According to the relay site, it will loop the harbor before "returning to the starting point." Also, it will continue via ATV. CANADA!

Do you see what we have been missing? Entire loops of New Brunswickian harbors! Well, no more.

From now on, we will be all Vancouver 2010, all the time.* It makes Quatchi so happy!

Did you know that Canada was populated entirely by superheroes? I did not.

OMG Quatchi is buying his ticket! I want to buy one too!

*Please note that this may not actually be the case. For instance, new mascots have just been announced, mascots I must tell you about! Their names are Lyo and Merly and I will tell you about them tomorrow.

Olympic Logos

2009-10-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well, one factor in the IOC's decision about the 2016 Olympics might have been the respective choice of Olympic Logos. And I think we can all agree, hands down, that Rio de Janeiro won that competition hands down.

No, really, Madrid. Put your hand down.

LOLFLOTUS

2009-10-18T08:40:00.001-07:00

In honor of yesterday's post...

Another America-centric post

2009-10-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

Old news: Chicago did not win its bid for the 2016 Olympics.

New news: World makes up for it by awarding Obama the Nobel Peace Prize.*

Okay, so even the new news is a week old. But still! We here at Mount Olympics find it pretty darn exciting. Also, the ChicagoNow blog, a major proponent of Chicago's bid, calls it a "consolation prize." Ha.

Also, all this talk of Presidents and Olympics got us at Mount Olympics pretty darn excited. Piped straight to you from Emily, our trampoline loving co-blogger, here is a possible outline of what would happen if we invented both a time-machine and won the bid for the Trans-Temporal Heads of State Olympics (our bid only barely eked out the Martian one):

PRESIDENTAL OLYMPICS!!

George Washington v. Teddy Roosevelt in track and field, or possibly marital arts! Abe Lincoln v. every other pioneer western president in an epic rail-splitting contest! Henry Clay and William Jennings Bryan pouting in the corner because they didn't make the team! Ronald Reagan on a teflon skeleton! Abe Lincoln cleaning up everything in the marksmanship tournament! Thomas Jefferson turning out to be an amazing gymnast on top of everything else!** William Henry Harrison's ridiculous fangirls with TIPPECANOE tshirts! FDR playing murder-parapalegic-whatever-the-heck that was!*** Abe Lincoln's Great Emancipators vs. Barack Obama's Fired Up Death Panelists For Change in the most anticipated basketball championship tournament of EPIC and WIN in Olympics history!!!!

And while THEY'RE doing THAT, you have Jackie O. over on the sidelines being all, WHAT SAY YOU LADIES and Eleanor Roosevelt being like ALL OVER THAT and Abigail Adams like GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO REMEMBER YALL and Dolly Madison busting out her figure skates and Michelle Obama being like THESE BICEPS SENT CARLA BRUNI RUNNING IN TERROR, POINT ME AT THE SHOT PUT.

So there's automatic sequel territory there.

And it could branch out, I can see some of the crowned heads of Europe getting in on this action. Or Enlightenment scientists. Romantic poets. Tyrants, Despots and Dictators for the politically incorrect.

Although to be very honest I don't think anything could possibly beat the whole idea of trash-talking first ladies, I'm just saying there is potential here. Do you think Kate Beaton would illustrate it? We could do a Canadian Explorers edition.

*Original typo: Nobel Peach Prize. Most delicious international award EVER.
**Of COURSE he would. You know this to be true.
***Murderball. And FDR would RULE it.

First Lady Michelle Obama Wins Figurative Gold Medal at Copenhagen IOC!

2009-10-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

UPDATE 2PM EST:

PARTY IN RIO. News at 11.

Update: 12EST:
Chicago NOO! Even Barack Obama couldn't convince the IOC that Chicago wants, no, DESERVES the 2016 Olympics. Americans are making grabby hands, and the IOC said not yet.

Chicago was seen as a leader in the field-- America is good at hosting the Olympics, the last Summer Games in the US took place in Atlanta in 1996, and Chicago spent 4 years and $50 million to woo the IOC. But the IOC would not be wooed.

Chicago lost out in the first round of voting. The USOC was apparently stunned and had no comment. STUNNED. Like with phasers.

9am:
Okay, everybody, today's the big day! In a day that recalls the incredible power of the human will to triumph over all odds in the spirit of peace, good sportsmanship, and healthy international competition, the International Olympic Committee will decide the city for the 2016 Olympic Games!!!

Will it be Chicago, City of Dreams and Architecture?! (Answer: No.)

Or perhaps Tokyo, City of Bright Lights and Bullet Trains?! (Answer: No.)

Or maybe Rio de Janeiro, City of Carnival and the Samba?! (Answer: Yes.)

Or possibly Madrid, City of Spanish Gold and Bull Fights?! (Answer: No.)

The BBC is running an up-to-the-minute live blog of the hearings. As they say:

An International Olympic Committee ceremony in Copenhagen, due to conclude some time after 1730 BST, will select the hosts of the 2016 Olympic Games and it has come down to that quartet. Bed down now for a day of twists, turns, votes and vol-au-vents as I bring you all the gossip and news from Denmark, where experts have already been describing this as the closest bid process in history. It could be a bumpy ride.

I want to go on that ride! As such, look for up-to-date updates (hmmm, I think I'm being redundant) on the proceedings. I will be honest, I am not in Copenhagen. I also have a job. So it might be largely copy-pasted from the BBC site. BUT STILL.

President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama made the case for Chicago. Apparently the president was a little jet lagged, and, as such, only won the figurative silver medal in Pitching Your City To The IOC, which is actually a little known event in the decathlon (hahaha, jokes). According to CNN:

First Lady Michelle Obama, who's been here a couple of days, cleary took the gold with an emotional speech focused on her family's roots in the the South Side of Chicago and her late father's battle with multiple sclerosis.
"Sports were a gift I shared with my dad — especially the Olympic Games," Mrs. Obama said in her portion of the U.S. delegation's final presentation to the International Olympic Committee here. "Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad's lap, cheering on Olga and Nadia, Carl Lewis, and others for their brilliance and perfection."

Mrs. O gets extra points: first, for mentioning BOTH the Olympics and the Paralympics. Second, for this statement about her father: "He taught me how to throw a ball and a mean right hook better than any boy in our neighborhood," she said. FLOTUS FTW.

Oh man, amazing. Let's see how the others stack up. Check back in shortly.

UPDATE!

2009-09-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I can't spell. Caster Semenya's name is spelled Semenya, not Semenaya. I'm not going to change it, however, because apparently some other folks can't spell as well. And honestly, I want folks who can't spell to land here rather than the website that calls Semenya horrifying names. I won't link to that article, I'm actually sorry that I clicked there and gave them any traffic whatsoever.

Instead, here's an only slightly offensive story comparing Usain Bolt's treatment to Caster Semenya's.

And, callooh callay, the officials' behavior is being investigated. What should really be investigated is our collective behavior, however. We are the monsters.

OH MAN

2009-09-20T19:46:00.001-07:00

Okay, when I posted the picture of Obama as a Jedi with the kid in the background? I don't know how I missed it, but apparently there was an entire Chicago 2016 event going on on the South Lawn sometime last week. Amazing! Here are some pictures!

Sometimes, as president, you get to watch fencers.

This version is pretty small, but his expression is actually :O

Sometimes, when president, you get to poke the fencers with your lightsaber.

Who is the cutest sledge hockey team in the country? Why yes you are!

Judo!

There is actually a bit of news here. It seems fortuitous for Chicago 2016 that the President of the United States is a hometown boy. Throwing the White House's weight behind an Olympics bid whose fate is in the hands of the ever-fickle IOC, however, may not be the best use of political capital. In early September, Obama informed the committee that he would not be flying to Denmark to lobby for his hometown. Do you know who is going, though? His wife.

We here at Mount Olympics will of course keep you up to date with any Chicago 2012-related news. In the meantime, however, I leave you with this:

HAhahaha facial expressions.

IMPORTANT CHICAGO 2016 UPDATE

2009-09-17T16:06:00.000-07:00

This is relevant, I swear. Look at the kid's shirt.

Right, I'm totally posting this because the kid's shirt has the Chicago 2016 logo.

That's the ONLY REASON.

End transmission.

Caster Semayana and Gender in Sports

2009-09-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

That's a pretty pretentious title for what is mostly going to be a bucket o' links post. As soon as this controversy arose, we here at Mount Olympics began composing a brilliant post about gender, sex, and its role in sporting competition. The problem? We got distracted by shiny, shiny things and then... other people said it better. So this post will have three parts!

Part 1: Bucket o' links!

John Green is amazing.

Lauren McMillan is similarly amazing.
IAAF urges caution, which would be great, except that somebody kind of leaked the results.
"Results of the gender investigation aside, Caster Semenya’s humanity has already been sacrificed to Western culture’s desperate, frightened effort to maintain the fiction of binary, fixed gender."
Semayana gets a makeover for You magazine. Gah.
Time offers an incredible slideshow showcasing Semayana's triumphs and strength.
The science behind the scandal.
Idiocy of sex testing!
Semayana withdraws from race in South Africa.

God, it's just so monstrous.

Part 2:

This is not the first time that an athlete's gender has come into question. Here's the thing: sometimes people do try and cheat. I'll have to try to have more GoogleFu later, but I'm pretty sure there were a couple of instances of men entering women's competitions just to win. I'm also pretty sure they don't always win.

Here's the story of another athlete who had to deal with this gender testing: Santhi Soundarajan. And her advice? Don't let them win. You already won.

And don't let anyone stop you.

Help me blow my first paycheck

2009-09-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

I have recently come into what we in the business call a "job." It comes with a "paycheck." As such, I suddenly have money, and now I desperately want to spend money.

And what better to spend it on than Olympics paraphernalia? I ask you, what better? Rent, you say? Well, you're right. But still, I can look, right?

[I went to go look up Olympics related items on eBay. I returned to this blog post 30 minutes later with only this to show for it.]

Oh man, never ever search "izzy atlanta" on ebay. I say this for a few reasons.

There lies only madness.
They can barely give this stuff away.
You could buy an Izzy pin, an Izzy plush, AND an Izzy holographic equestrian postcard with a five dollar bill and get change back. (Okay, so purchasing things online requires a credit card, and that's not counting shipping. But still.)
I can't LOOK AWAY.
I do not need any items with Izzy on them, let alone three at once.
I will never get those 30 minutes back.

Only $1.25? For four pins? No way!

Other things I could purchase:

A collage from Etsy! Homemade! $10!

Water cube fountain pen? Ridiculously expensive? Yes. $159.99

A Five Rings key chain! Also from Etsy. $5

I need to stop looking or else I really will buy stupid things. In the meantime, do you have suggestions?

Lesson: Do Not Mess with Badass Olympians.

2009-08-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, do you guys remember Dawn Fraser? Of course you do. Just to jog your memory, she was the amazing Australian swimmer and eight-time Olympic medalist who also was elected to the New South Wales Parliament after being banned from swimming for a decade for stealing Emporer Hirohito's Olympic flag at the Tokyo Olympics.

Ah, yes. THAT complete and total badass.

Quick quiz: does that kind of Olympic-sized awesome diminish over time?

Quick Answer: No.

Long Answer: A teenage boy came to Dawn Fraser's daughter's house one night this week. He grabbed her by the throat (clearly not realizing that this is DAWN fucking FRASER and you Do. Not. Mess. with her) and threatened to kill her.

Dawn Fraser would not be having with any of that nonsense.

As she told Australian television, "I grabbed him by the ear and I kicked him in the groin."

Fraser continued, "I have got a titanium knee so it must have hurt him."

A male friend came to help (though she was clearly doing just fine on her own) and they made the man lie on his stomach in the driveway until the police arrived.

This woman is an Official Australian Living Treasure for a reason, my friends.

Let this be a lesson to all the troubled youth out there: just because a woman is 71 years old does not mean she can't kick your ass with her titanium knee. Especially if she is an Olympian.

Citius, Altius, Fortius, my friends. Swifter, Higher, Stronger. Also, taking names.

Defining athalons

2009-08-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

All you ever wanted to know about athlons, One through Ten!

Athlon: Not a sporting event, but apparently a sporting goods company. And now you know.

Of course, it is also a term derived from athalon, from the Latin for "competition." It's the same word from which we get "athlete" today. (One Wikipedia page (aquathlon, for future reference) seems to think that it really means "wrestling," but Wikipedia spelled Latin "latten," so, you know.)

Biathlon: Usually refers to a winter sport combining cross country skiing and shooting. Apparently, the sport can trace its roots to exercises that promoted Norwegian national defense. Of course it does. The summer version is cross country running and shooting, and the "modern biathlon" refers to running and swimming.

Triathlon: Swimming, running, biking. Not necessarily in that order. (I actually don't know. Maybe you do have to do it in that order?) Apparently we have only the French to blame, or maybe San Diego. Wikipedia does not give me a solid answer. The Ironman is specifically a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike course, and then, uh, if you're not tired yet, a marathon. Holy crap.

Quadrathlon: Swimming, kayaking, cycling, running. Uh. What? Apparently, sometimes roller skating is also involved. I'm dubious. Here's a quote, straight from Wikipedia: "Quadrathlon adds flatwater kayaking to the sport of triathlon to create a balanced test of fitness." Right. Not to be confused with the Tetrathlon, which involves riding a mount over a course of obstacles, shooting an air pistol, cross country running, and swimming.

Pentathlon: MYTHOLOGY ALERT! The pentathlon was an ancient Greek sport, featured in the Ancient Olympics (man I love those). The mythical hero Perseus accidentally killed a dude (though not the Gorgon, that was a different time) with a discus while competing in the pentathlon, fulfilling an oracle's prophesy.

Mouth guards, people! They matter.

Originally (as in "Ancient Greece" originally), the pentathlon was part of military training. Aristotle once wrote "a body capable of enduring all efforts, either of the racecourse or of bodily strength...This is why the athletes in the pentathlon are most beautiful." (Right, Aristotle.)In 1906, the pentathlon made its modern Olympic debut as a conglomeration of five track and field events, but it was discontinued in 1984 and replaced by the heptathlon because it kept getting confused with the "modern pentathlon."

The modern pentathlon was introduced in the 1912 Olympics. Returning to the -athlon's military training roots, the sport was invented by Pierre de Coubertin, founder and first president of the IOC. He wanted to test skills required by a soldier (so this was sort of like the Norwegians, but with less snow). According to Wikipeda, he was "working from the template of a 19th century soldier fighting behind enemy lines," and came up with epee fencing, pistol shooting, freestyle swimming, show jumping on horseback, and a cross country run. It basically has all the elements of an amazing action flick. The sport was male dominated until Sydney 2000, female athletes got a chance to show off their James Bond meets The Great Escape skills. Sexy awesome!

Sextathlon: Either a dirty joke or a Frenchman named Ygor swimming, biking, running (in scandalous shorts), then skiing (in the middle of a city?), golfing, and playing a game of hockey. Perhaps the proper term is Hexathlon, which is referred to in this exerpt from a blog about the game of bridge: "The Modern Hexathlon combines traditional disciplines of track and field (javelin throw, long jump and marathon) with aquatics (200-meter backstroke, 400-meter freestyle and high diving)... The Modern Hexathlon also relates well to bridge, as these six problems illustrate." Then there are six bridge problems, like those things that show up near Dear Abby in the paper. The internet really is killing the newspaper! In the most boring way possible!

Heptathlon: Seven events! One day! Here's what's in store: 100m hurdles, high jump, shot put, 200 m race, long jump, javelin throw, 800 m race. Wow. It also involves the academic decathlon, because scoring has an equation that looks like you might need better than basic math skills. Seriously, there are variables and constants.

Octathlon: Occasionally, in Tahiti, you try to host a decathlon. But the pole vault equipment doesn't arrive on time, and you have to abandon the high jump and the pole vault entirely. So you have to change the name of the event entirely, because you can't call it a decathlon with only eight events. The Tahition Olympic Committee isn't happy about it, but then they realize that they're in Tahiti and pretty okay with life, all things told.

Nonathlon: Something involving an indoor rowing machine. We're getting farther away from international athletic competition here, people.

Decathlon: Finally! Ten events! Amazing! They are spread over two days and encompass the 100 m, the long jump, the shot put, the high jump, the 400 m, 110 m hurdles, the discus, the pole vault, the javelin, and the 1500 m. Basically, if you can run it or chuck it, you do.

There we have it, one through ten. Only four of these events are in the Olympics and a couple aren't really, you know, real. But hey! Any Athlon is a good Athlon, right? Speaking of which, if you absolutely want more...

Other athlons (also known as "I forgot how to count in Greek and so did much extraneous googling"):

Duathlon: Woah, confusing! Though it sounds like it should be back down there with biathlon in the 2 slot, actually has three (or maybe two?) events. Most commonly, the term refers to running, then biking, then running again. Duathlon is also used for the winter sport of skiing cross country (traditionally) and then changing your skis to ski cross country some more, only this time with the skate skis! Exciting times on those nordic tracks.

Aquathlon: Underwater wrestling. Maybe could also mean swimming followed by running, but that wouldn't involve (supposedly sexy) underwater wrestling, now would it? But wait, now I am plagued by questions! How does that even work? Do the athletes float? Are they weighted down? Do they have oxygen? Are they allowed to go up for breaths? Is Wikipedia lying to me again?

Quintathlon: The best definition I can find comes from a website touting the wonders of Alaska. They advertise the "Barefoot in the Park Quintathlon: Swim, bike, shoot, kayak and run, then picnic in the park." Picnic makes it six events, though. I wonder if the organizers thought about THAT.

Follow the Money: TV!

2009-08-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Eventually we here at Mount Olympics plan to have an entire series of posts about Following the Money in the Olympics. It's a particularly germane topic given the crazy global meltdown that basically began ten minutes after the extinguishing of the Olympic Torch at the Closing Ceremony of the 2008 Beijing Olympics. (Possible "Follow the Money" topic: GLOBAL MARKET COLLAPSE A DIRECT RESULT OF OLYMPICS?? What the IOC Doesn't Want You to KNOW.*)

I've been curious for a long time about where funding comes from and where it goes-- what sort of sponsorship deals exist, what being the "Official Soft Drink of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics" means. (Note: Coca-Cola. Of course.) Do Olympians drink it? (Wild guess here: No.) Does anyone actually care? What, for all that is holy, could this sentence possibly mean: "Coca-Cola's Olympic Games Sustainability Plan is designed to outline the holistic methods Coca-Cola is using to minimize its environmental impact while demonstrating to Canadians how their own small changes create an opportunity to carry the Olympic Flame"?

But first, let's talk about the proposed US Olympic Committee's proposed cable station. Basically, the USOC and Comcast decided that it would be great if they started up an "All Olympics, all the time" channel. For those of you thinking, "Wait, I thought we already had that," congratulations for putting more thought into it than anyone over at Comcast!

NBC is one of the IOC's biggest partners. It has billions of dollars invested in being the only American station that consistently covers the Olympics. It also has and a great relationship with the IOC. And the USOC is not the IOC's best friend.

I'm not an expert on this little venture, but this sentence from the LATimes blog intrigues me: "It seems clear that Comcast miscalculated the level of bad blood between the IOC and USOC and didn't realize what the blow-back would be from NBC and its sports chief Dick Ebersol, who has a lot of juice with the IOC."

What kind of juice? I'm guessing mango. But that's not a Coca-cola product.

End result: the network is "on hold." Right. That's Dick Ebersol's code for "never again to see the light of day."

*Please note: This is a ridiculous joke about conspiracy theories. The IOC of course wants you to know. For once something cost less than predicted. In fact, they have probably post it on their website, and now nobody will ever be able to figure out anything ever.

Unfortunately, Sledge Hockey does not mean Hockey with Sledge Hammers

2009-08-25T15:40:00.001-07:00

Let's talk about the Paralympics!

We already gave some brief mention to the Paralympics, but they really deserve more love. Unfortunately, most folks don't mention the Paralympics in discussions about the Olympics, when really, these athletes are at least as deserving of heaps of glory. (Not just because the International Paralympics Committee's website is better designed than the IOC's flashy, unnavigable mess.)

I mean, have you SEEN the movie Murderball?? Holy shit, those athletes are AWESOME.

OMG MURDERBALL

Since the Winter Games are coming upon us, we'll focus on the four Winter Paralympic Sports.

Alpine Skiing:
In both the Paralympics and the Olympics, Alpine Skiing means skiing down a hill that would certainly make me wet myself. Athletes in the Paralympics compete in Downhill, Super-G, Super Combined, the Giant Slalom, and the Slalom (the normal, everyday Slalom, apparently). These events all take place in the Olympics as well, and in both cases there are competitions for men and women. In the Paralympics there are also specific categories for standing skiers, sitting skiers, and visually impaired skiers.

Are there special rules? You bet! "Skiers on one ski are not allowed to use the free limb in contact with the snow to gain speed or to keep balance."

Visually impaired skiers "must wear blacked-out goggles during the competition." They use the same equipment as Olympic skiers (other than the blacked out goggles, of course), and have guides who can communicate only by voice and radio communication.

Oh man. Hard core.

Nordic Ski:
Paralympic Nordic Skiing has two categories: Biathlon and Cross-Country Skiing. Again, it's broken down into standing, sitting, and visually impaired. In contrast with the Paralympic Downhill Skiers, standing Nordic Skiers use the same equipment as able-bodied skiers-- no nifty mini ski-sticks for them! (Nifty mini ski-sticks is not what they are called, but I believe deeply that by coming up with that phrase I have begun my career as a Paralympic Equipment Marketing Consultant. Look for the ad campaign.) Sit skiers use a sit-ski-- really. It's a ski... where you sit. Visually impaired skiiers again have a guide that can guide them through voice or radio.

Nordic Sit Skier: Better than you at everything.

The Biathlon is made up of two events: skiing and shooting. In the Paralympics, all shooters must fire their guns from a prone position. Also? This little exciting nugget from the Vancouver 2010 Paralympics web page: "Visually impaired skiers use an acoustic system for shooting that uses differing tones as the rifle is aimed toward the bull’s eye." OH MAN acoustic aiming!

Wheelchair Curling:
Someday soon we will have a post about Curling, affectionately known as Chess on Ice (no really), because I love it so. Who doesn't love Chess on Ice? You must have a heart made from a stone (and not granite, for that is what a curling stone is made of) to not love Chess on Ice. For now, this is all you need to know: Wheelchair Curling differs in two ways from Non-Wheelchair Curling. First, the athletes are in wheelchairs (I KNOW CRAZY RIGHT?). Second, no sweeping. In the case of Wheelchair Curling, delivering the stone is where the magic happens.

Ice Sledge Hockey:
This is actually one of the first sports adapted such that folks without full use of their legs could continue playing it. It predates wheelchair basketball and murderball. The international rules are essentially the same as Ice Skate Hockey and modeled specifically from the Canadian rules. The equipment is slightly different, of course. The skates have been replaced with a sledge and athletes use two hockey sticks. One is used mainly for propelling along the ice, and the puck handling stick is shorter, straight, and has picks on the end for even more propelling action.

Unfortunately, no sledge hammers in Sledge Hockey.

Also? Sledge hockey brawls. You'd better believe they exist.

***

Occasionally, people get weird about the Paralympics. They're not as popular as the Olympics, they don't happen at the same time, and some folks say they don't serve any purpose. Either the athletes should compete against "real" athletes or they should stay home. If you ever hear anyone talking like that, here's what to do. Tell them about the 2014 British Paralympic hopefuls. Here are three guys, all veterans of either Iraq or Afghanistan, all maimed in the line of duty. What are they doing now? Serving their country with four skis between them.

I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for a story about overcoming adversity with the Olympic Spirit (TM). And that's how it's done, folks. Paralympians deserve nothing more and nothing less than our respect as serious athletes and competitors. We'll be keeping an eye on the Paralympics as well as the Olympics here on Mount Olympics. I hope you'll do the same.

Image sources:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/10/21/sunday/main3389200.shtml
http://www.paralympic.org/release/Winter_Sports/Alpine_Skiing/Rules/index.html
Vancouver 2010 Paralympic website
http://blogs.smarter.com/sports/2009/03/02/hockey-video-a-different-kind-of-hockey-brawl/

Mount Olympic Rings?

2009-08-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

Google is our friend.* Due to a fun little tool called "analytics," I actually do know what you are looking for when you find this blog. And I am here to deliver. So those of you searching "how to mount olympic rings," this entry's for you.

By "mount," I assumed you meant "get up on" and not "mountainous pun in the title of this blog." And by "olympic rings" I assume you meant "still rings" and not "the five interlocking rings on the official flag of the Olympic Games."

Basically, you want to figure out how to do this:

Please note: this image comes to us courtesy of my new favorite website, the Oldtime Strongman Blog. Find this and so many other exciting photos of oldtime strongmen at http://www.oldtimestrongman.com.

I cannot tell you how to be an oldtime strongman. I do not know any real oldtime strongmen. But I do know a real gymnast! Here is what our Special Gymnastics Correspondent tells us "how to mount olympic rings," Google friends!

well..... the real question is what do you mean by mount? if you mean how they get up to the rings... they get lifted by a coach. if by mount you mean what skill they do first.... there are about 300 different possibilities. or you could possibly mean how do they hold. in which case 98% of Olympians where grips on rings. so they would simply position their dowel over the ring. Basically i dont really know what you mean... Also might be beneficial to know that the rings look deceptively tall. I believe FIG rings are only about 8 feet tall. So mounting them really isnt much of an issue. hope this might kinda help.

It does kinda help, Special Gymnastics Correspondent! Or, I assume it does, at least. Let me know if you need any more help, Intrepid Googlers!**

*Don't Be Evil, Google!

**Please be sure and note that Google has also informed me that you can buy special gymnast insurance, tailored specifically to the needs of gymnasts! Google, you always know exactly what I need, even if I never knew it existed!

Wouldn't it make more sense for Sumi, the Thunderbird?

2009-08-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

I know why you come here.

You come here to have pertinent questions answered. You wish to know important facts about pertinent thoughts concerning the Olympics, and I am here to deliver them to you. And this is what you are wondering right now:

Does Quatchi, the Sasquatch mascot of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games, have a twitter feed?

Yes.

You're welcome.

PS-- Quatchi thinks you should follow him, he knows the way!!! Also, he awkwardly abbreviates Vancouver to "Van." Dear Canada, is this normal?

A look back, a look forward

2009-07-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Look both ways before you cross the time line!

Wow, it's been a while. Almost an entire year, in fact, since last we updated the blog, and a year to the day since the Opening Ceremonies (08/08/08!).

Happy Anniversary, little guys.

And there's been a year of international sports and excitement that we here at Mount Olympics have allowed to pass un-blogged. So much has happened, in fact, that it merits a bucket o' links! These are the stories we would have been following, had we, you know, been blogging.

Don't worry, China, not having the Olympics won't be terrible for your economy!
Don't worry, world, a terrible economy won't hurt the Olympics!
Sorry, Russia, the economy might hurt the Sochi 2014 Olympics.
Sorry, London Olympics, the economy might hurt you, too.
WAIT, by "hurt" we meant "the Olympics will save the British economy," right?

Poison + Milk = Scandal, but Olympics + Scandal = Chinese cover up...

OPRAH wants the 2016 Olympics in Chicago. OPRAH. WE MUST DO AS SHE SAYS.
OBAMA wants the 2016 Olympics in Chicago. OBAMA. (Remember: Bigger than Oprah.)
A BILLION DOLLARS wants the 2016 Olympics in Chicago.

Olympics has opened China to foreign media? WaPo says it is so.
Beijing brings back Olympic pollution control! Olympics make things greener, and not just in Canada!
Also, Olympics maybe helped China's human rights record!

Rugby is trying to get to the Olympics. BADASS.
Baseball too.
Also golf.

As a final sendoff to the summer games, FINA bans technical racing suits!

Phew, I feel refreshed, don't you?

In conclusion, look for this blog to be updated more often! Up next we have a shout-out to all you google searchers out there.

Corollary on Google

2008-08-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

In answer to my own question from the other day, OF COURSE Google had a special logo for the Olympics. Google has had a special logo for ALL the Olympics. And I would love nothing more than to share them all with you, with commentary, right here on this blog, but the Google website expresses a "passionate" (no kidding) desire to maintain the sanctity of the Google Logo and associated Doodles by not having them posted all over the Internets, and getting sued by Google is one of the scarier things I think could happen to me.. I could probably come up with worse, but they would probably involve a clumsy weightlifter, 2,008 angry Chinese drummers*, and the uneven bars, and in general do not bear thinking about.

So I direct all interested parties to Google's specialty logo archives, where you can see just how much Google loves the Olympics. (Particular attention should go to the one for Athens in 2004, where Zeus appears to be lighting the torch with actual lightening.)

*I'm thinking that if China had come up with the Twelve Days of Christmas, it would have looked a lot like the Opening Ceremonies. Dear West, we see your twelve lords a-leaping and raise them a couple thousand tai chi artists in perfect rings. And we'll throw in a partridge just for good measure, but we haven't tested it for human growth hormone. Someone needs to write that song...

Google for Gold

2008-08-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

Post-game on Beijing later. For now, I give you a tour of the Olympic Host Cities, courtesy of Google Maps and the awesome power of people with too little to do with their time. (Totally unlike me.)

Around the World in Five Rings

I am holding out for the installation of a Google insta-locator chip (you know they've got them) on the torch, so you can Google its precise location in real time and possibly see it getting hijacked by Free Tibeters in San Francisco. If Google doesn't cause the implosion of social activism simply by making it way too easy to find, I don't know what will.

Also, as incredible as this seems, I don't think I actually went to the Google homepage at all while the Olympics were on. Did they have a theme logo? I mean, they've already got the two O's and the primary colors thing going on, it's like it was meant to be...

Mr. Kite Goes To The Olympics

2008-08-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Mount Olympics has returned from its hiatus, although unfortunately, as she explains in the previous post, your primary host’s commitment to saving the free world means that real-time Olympics coverage will be provided by someone not quite as funny or as Olympic-a-rific. Although I can still fangirl pretty respectably, I’m more of a causal Olympics aficionado. Specifically, I’m still pretty surprised by a lot of the things that go on during this celebration of international cooperation and athleticism. The amount of prime-time coverage given to beach volleyball, for example, is pretty stunning. The ability of diving commentators to point out five or six flaws in a synchronized dive that lasted .023 seconds, takeoff to splashdown, leaves me in awe. And every now and then I discover (usually on the Canadian cable channel, which is not quite as fixated on the bikini-clad beach volleyballers as NBC), a sport which I had never realized had a place at the Olympics. Tonight, that sport was the Trampoline.

You can purchase Olympic trampolines on the Internet, as it turns out. Professional-grade trampolines come in your regular, Olympic, and Australian varieties (the difference between the last two being that the Australian one flushes the other way, probably?) although the Chinese spotters are sold separately and your mother probably wouldn’t allow any of them in the backyard.

Wikipedia cites the earliest precursors of the trampoline as a European or possibly Inuit (Spain, Alaska, whatever) form of “quasi-judicial, mob-administered punishment” in which the offending party was bounced up in the air on a blanket. Which goes to show that if you had to get on the wrong side of a mob in medieval Europe (or the Pre-Columbian Yukon, either one), it was way better to do it when the mob was buzzed on fruity cocktails and could only find the springy blankets than when they they were in more of a rock-throwing mood. It also kind of begs the question of how many current Olympic sports were once vigilante activities, and why guillotining never made the cut.

Anyway, at some point the trampoline made its way out of the igloo and into the circus, where it may or may not have been invented by an artiste named Du Trampolin for the benefit of Mr. Kite (I am not making this up, go check Wikipedia for yourself). It was prominently featured in acrobatic acts called “bouncing beds,” which were probably exactly what they sound like. I’m not sure whether the misguided Victorian sense of the erotic led these acts to be filed under “titillating” or whether they were just hilarious, but what with one thing and another it is probably safe to say that this was where we got the cautionary tale of the Five Little Monkeys.

The modern trampoline was invented (anyone else notice that we’ve now invented the trampoline at least three times? Yeah.) by a couple of Iowan gymnasts named Nissen and Griswold in 1934. And from there it was pretty much a straight hop, skip and a jump into the rings of Olympic history. Actually it wasn’t, really, although both Nissen and Griswold were competitive tumblers who today would have formed the Trampoline Lobby and gotten the IOC to approve it immediately as critical to the preservation of ancient Inuit Mob Gymnastics. Instead, they used it to train tumblers and to make loads of money entertaining small children and terrifying mothers throughout Cedar Rapids. With the advent of World War II, and I swear I am not making this up, trampolines were used in the training of US Navy pilots for the following objectives which deserve to be directly quoted, and also a picture:

Reduce fear of being upside down, of falling or revolving in midair.
To afford practice in relocation after body revolutions and in sensing relocation while revolving in various positions.
To learn balance and body control while in the air.
To develop oneness with the plane.
To acquire self-confidence in the air.

Clearly, it surpasses mortal understanding why a device that can simultaneously train tumblers, cause civil suit lawyers to lurk defensively at the edge of children’s birthday parties, provide wholesome and bouncy mob punishment fun for the whole family, AND “develop oneness with the plane” was not IMMEDIATELY adopted by the Olympics as the Best Sport Ever. By 1958, at least, competitive trampolining was well-established enough to create a brouhaha over rules and time limits in the NCAA regulations. It has had a fickle relationship with traditional (i.e. not descended from the mob) gymnastics over the years, until on a joyous New Year’s Day in 1999, the International Trampoline Federation voted to merge with the International Gymnastics Federation, paving the way for trampoline sports (trampoline, tumbling, and double-mini trampoline) to be included in the 2000 Sydney Games. The eight intervening years, of course, have been enough time for the Russians to think they were totally dominant and then tank, and for 60-pound Chinese girls to get good enough to kick everyone else’s ass. In case you were wondering: in the women’s trampoline competition tonight, Wenna He of China took gold, Karen Cockburn of Canada took silver, and Ekaterina Khilko of Uzbekistan (for serious) took bronze (and BOY was she happy about it). Not that there’s a good reason NOT to be happy about being the third best in the world at jumping up and down on a giant sproingy surface that makes you feel like you’re flying.

It does not get more Olympian than that.

http://www.wvtc.co.uk/ (also the picture of the shirtless, planeless WWII Navy pilot.) http://www.1800trampoline.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=277
And of course, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trampoline

New Contributor!

2008-08-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Hello readers! As you may have noticed, I fell off the face of the earth. This was a sad ocurrance, one filled with sorrow and regret for all the fun that has been had for the past month. Time does not stop for the Olympics, as it turns out.

It is with great excitement and the promise of new and great things that we here at Mount Olympics welcome a new contributor, Emily (who you may know from the only comments this blog ever gets). In celebration, I will post a portion of a wonderful email she sent me when I tragically missed the Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. Prepare yourselves for something beautiful. Also long. But beautiful, so beautiful.

In China, the hydraulics are run by people!

Or in other words, when you have an unlimited budget, a billion people standing around waiting to walk upside down on a giant inflatable globe, and an authoritarian regime that says "Give us the biggest spectacle in world history! I mean ever!", you can really put on a show.

It was pretty cool.

It started with 2008 drummers (there were 2008 of everything. You know how normally, like in Salt Lake for example, you have maybe 150 performers and people are really impressed? China has so many performers at its disposal that when you looked at things from the top of the stadium, it appeared pixellated.) Each drummer had a big square drum that lit up when they touched it, and there were wave effects, and star bursts, and water droplets, and finally a one-minute countdown clock (this is so hard to describe. You have two blocks of 1004 drummers arranged in two giant rectangles, right? And seen from the top, each drum is a light cell. And the drummers alternate hitting their drums so that the numbers "60, 50, 40, 30, 20, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1" blink on and off, dance across the screen, etc. It was like the world's biggest digital readerboard, basically, powered by percussion.) When the countdown reached one, fireworks start going off from Tiananmen Square all the way down to the stadium, and when they go off they are shaped like giant footprints. Specifically, the Footprints of History. And then they get to the stadium, and fireworks go off around the rim of the stadium for a while. I have a personal theory that whenever President Bush started to look bored, someone in the back was like, "quick, wake him up! More fireworks!" This happened...a lot.

The drummers finish their drumming thing, and Matt Lauer, who I think was expecting something on the order of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade because the EPICNESS of the night was sort of lost on him, helpfully pointed out that earlier in the day when they were rehearsing, 2008 serious-faced Chinese men in silvery suits banging on gigantic drums, the effect was kind of intimidating. So apparently they were told to smile more. And boy, were they smiling. I want to believe they were actually outrageously excited to be there, which seems likely, but then again if the director of the Beijing Olympics told you to look happy, dammit, you'd probably look happy regardless.

Then the drummers rolled off stage with amazingly little bustle, although we might have missed it during the commercials. Budweiser was recycling the last several years' worth of its Super Bowl ads (The Great American Lager! Now Made By Belgium!) but everyone else was more on message. Visa's were pretty great (Go World!). Then some fairies started flying around in harnesses. Matt Lauer said they represented the three great Chinese philosophical traditions of Confucianism, Taoism, and Buddhism, but I think he didn't know what he was talking about. They were fairies. Oh, and the Olympic rings floated around for a while too, looking very sparkly. Then 56 small children wearing the costumes of China's 56 ethnic groups, which universally included white lacy socks and mary janes, and sometimes cowboy hats (who knew?) brought in the flag, and it was raised, and a little girl sang the national anthem. Yay, China.

Next another fairy, or possibly a bodhisattva, was carried in while dancing on a giant canvas platform held up by a few thousand men. Then the fairies and the men went away, leaving the giant canvas on the ground, where it unrolled into what we were told was the world's biggest LED screen. It looked like a hundred foot long video Torah. AND THEN the Dancing Calligraphers came on. They were about 15 modern dancers in black costumes that were somehow covered in markers or ink or something, because while they were dancing they were making a giant landscape painting. Like a couple of them would do this rolling-leapy thing, and then there would be a mountain range. And one of them would spin with his leg on the ground, and suddenly there was a sun. It was CRAZY. (Wikipedia says they "left their squirming trails on a block of white paper," which does not capture it at all.) I want to know where THAT kind of dance is offered.

NOTE: There has to have been some magic involved in this next part. The giant scroll-painting thing kept showing up throughout the night, and yet it also kept turning into completely different things and then reappearing with no explanation. Stupid TV. By the time we'd heard from Budweiser again (This Is Beer!) the scroll had become a giant Chinese printing press. For real. It was a giant square of big grey blocks, each with a Chinese character on the top, that moved up and down to form lines from the Analects, ripples of water, etc., etc., etc., and eventually the Great Wall, which then exploded into cherry blossoms. This section went on for like 10 minutes, and you can imagine the intense discussions going on among us watching at home about how they were doing this. Computer-operated hydraulics was the best guess. BUT NO! Why, indeed, would a country with more manpower than anything else waste things like electricity when they could just use people standing up and down! At the very end, after the cherry blossoms, the blocks popped open and more (smiling) performers stuck their heads out and waved.

Okay. At this point, I am reading the Wikipedia article to refresh my memory, and I am pretty sure it was written by Chinese propagandists. It's hilarious. If you get a chance, go look at it and revel in the "a sea of rainbow-coloured luminescent performers swayed in wave-like unison to symbolize the flow of the Yellow River"-osity. I would probably have described the rainbow-colored luminescent performers as a couple thousand girls in fancy dresses while the American commentators made ridiculous comments about how all Chinese women are this graceful, as a rule. (What annoyed me about this was not so much the racial stereotyping as the lack of credit to the performers' dance training. And their rainbow-luminosity...thingy.) Actually, while the costumes were super impressive and the dancing was pretty, it wasn't all that exciting compared with the rest of the evening. Next, to celebrate China's glorious naval history (we did a lot of celebrating how great China has been since basically forever. It turns out there's a lot there to have spectacle about!) they brought in another couple thousand guys each carrying a giant canoe paddle. They were painted such that the performers could group together and make a screen with their paddles showing a picture of old Chinese warships. They could also make warships OUT of the canoe paddles by sweeping them around in various ways. It doesn't sound that exciting, but the effect was way cool.

[Forming a circle of dancers isn't just difficult.] It's HARD. Even approximate circles are hard, when you have a group of 8 or so people moving as a group. Okay, now picture, you guessed it, 2000 people, all individually doing crazy tai chi/karate stuff, IN TEN RINGS OF PERFECT CONCENTRIC CIRCLES. I don't know how they did that. It was phenomenal. Meanwhile, the giant canvas from the body-painting exercise is still on the floor, having recovered from its giant printing press incarnation, and a large pile of happy children are playing on it reciting confucian poetry and improving the painting. While the crazy concentric circles of karate go on around them. This, and I am not making this up, symbolized the environmental challenges the future generation would face and need to overcome, as the forces of nature react to mankind's abuse. It's there to show China's commitment to having a green Games.

Yes. It's comforting to know that in the fight against global warming, China will bring the tai chi artists. And the chanting schoolchildren. I can't imagine why no one ever thought of this before. And, by the way, fireworks are going of pretty much this whole time.

But it's okay, because you know the children are going to triumph over this challenge! And the way you know that is when they get up and leave, the sun on the giant canvas painting now has a ridiculously cute smiley face on it! True story!

Once again, I am not sure what they did to the canvas to accomplish this next part. Because China has entered the Space Age, and a giant globe (no, really) is emerging from the center of the stadium floor. It's kind of like a paper Japanese lantern, only it's like 50 feet tall, lit up like the planet Earth, and has Sarah Brightman and some Chinese singer standing on top. Oh, and in between every one of the horizontal ribs (keep thinking of the Japanese lantern, it will help) there are a dozen people running horizontally along its surface. They had fun with the flying harnesses, these folks did. This was my favorite part. And in the meantime--did I mention that the upper rim of the entire stadium was also a giant movie screen? It was currently broadcasting pictures of the universe.

Eventually the giant globe went away, and I was kind of sad about that. I could have watched that for a long time. But in its place, lest we forget that China hasn't run out of people yet, came 2008 guys in bright green unitards that lit up with blue and green christmas lights at various times. And they danced around quite a bit, and made a giant dove, and the poor guys in the wings had to run back and forth to make the dove fly. Matt Lauer had gone on a bit of a tangent at this point and was waxing poetic about how China has emerged from the authoritarian darkness of communism and was now filled with the peaceful, happy prospect of people choosing their own destinies! And buying American debt! And then he went back to his performance-related tidbit cue cards, and informed us (practically in the same breath as this paean to Chinese individual self-determinism) that two days before the show, the director decided he didn't like the existing unitards, which were black, and demanded that another 2008 be made in green. Because once again, when someone comes to your Beijing costume shop and says "I need 2008 new costumes made by tomorrow," you say "Yes sir, how high?" Somehow Lauer's head didn't explode here. It was a little disappointing.

The length of this is getting absurd, I hope you're reading in installments. So I'll pass quickly over the parade of athletes with the following details:

The whole stadium was flanked by probably 2008 cheerleaders in white skirts and high-heeled white cowboy boots, who had to stand up and clap and stomp and cheer for about two and a half hours. And it was so hot that the heads of state were dripping. Those girls had the worst job of the evening, for serious.
The girls who carried the signs in front of each country had MUCH better dresses than the ones from Turin. Much more with the red and gold silk and much less with the ski slope dioramas on ON THE SKIRT.
Canada's fashion sense has improved moderately since the last Olympics, but the Americans got hijacked by a Ralph Lauren makeover team which makes them look like a lost yachting club in absurd hats. The Hungarians, even more unfortunately, showed up wearing red and white splotched tablecloths. As usual, most of the Africans were wearing caftans that were a) gorgeous b) regal and c) really comfortable looking.
We're not done with the canvas yet--oh no! It was lying on the ground in the middle of the arena again, and this time there were giant ink pads in front of it in rainbow colors. As the athletes marched up the center, they walked through the ink and tracked a rainbow onto the paper. This Olympics is all about the bodily art, I guess.
Vladimir Putin gets docked for Class A BAD FORM for starting a war from the Olympics. You should not be allowed to DO that.
China's flag was carried in by Yao Ming, accompanied by an eight-year-old boy who came approximately up to his knee. For a minute we thought it was comic relief, and they explained that he was from Sichuan, and had dug himself out of the rubble of his school after the earthquake and then rescued two of his classmates before any adults found them. When they asked him why he hadn't just run away when he got out, he said he was a class leader and he was supposed to make sure everyone got out safely. So that was...oof.

Okay, enough athletes, it's all about them now anyway. But first the torch! I was so excited for this part. They ran it in, passed it off to various former Chinese athletes around the stadium, and then when it got to the last guy...yes! He FLEW! And then he RAN, in slow motion, THROUGH THE AIR, ALL THE WAY AROUND THE TOP OF THE STADIUM, while the screen behind him played images of the whole torch relay minus the protests, and then he lit the end of a long pipe that carried the flame up the torch in a giant spiral and then stayed lit. And then there were more fireworks than I have ever seen. And it was AWESOME.

Okay, it's Lexie again. I have a question for Emily, perhaps to start us off. What is the most ridiculously misplaced expression of patriotism you have seen so far at the games? Describe and provide photos where available.

Coming Soon: The history of China and International Sports!

2008-06-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!

As a teaser, I would like to say that I am really, REALLY enjoying the current Story arc over at the web comic Penny Arcade. Not that they need my endorsement-- it's one of the most popular websites out there. They have taken ping pong diplomacy (post soon, I promise!) to a whole new level.

I wonder if this is how David Wallechinski feels all the time...

2008-06-17T18:09:00.000-07:00

I by no means have sole rights to anything related to the Olympics. Clearly. For I am a humble blogger from the recesses of the American Southwest, with absolutely no chance to go to Beijing, to spend a bunch of money on mascot paraphernalia (or to even spell "paraphernalia" right without a spell checker), or to become involved in any more tangible way with the Olympics. And yet... when the NYTimes posts things like that cracked out Chinese mascots video I posted, like, two months ago, I get a little territorial. Or when they mention Sebastian Coe, no matter how briefly. He's MINE. I just spent, like, five hours researching him. DAMMIT.

Their latest post is a Q&A session with David Wallechinski, the preeminent expert on the modern Olympics. He's even published books on it and everything. I'll bet he spends all his days up to his ears in mascot paraphernalia (see, I'm getting better at it). And then, every couple of years, the rest of the world catches on that this might be a fun thing to talk about at length. And he has to scream "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU. BUT YOU NEVER LISTEN."

So, remember, NYTimes blog, I was here before you. And I know you have "journalists" and "ads" and "interviews with David Wallechinski," but I've got heart and a lot of tenacity.

And if I've learned anything about the Olympics, it's that tenacity is what counts. Also corporate funding. But mostly tenacity.

PS-- Be sure to check out the epic post below about public figures and their Olympic accomplishments. One of the best things about it, that maybe I didn't make clear enough in the post itself, is just how stereotypically wonderful each athlete's chosen sport matches their country of origin. An American basketball player? A Russian wrestler? A Pakistani cricket player? An Australian swimmer? All we need now is a Canadian figure skater, and we'd be set. Oh wait.

Athletes Turned Politicians (turned athletes?)

2008-06-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

As a credential for public office, former Olympic athlete is fairly impressive. As a resume boost, it comes in right above nationally recognized former talk show host but below astronaut. Very little actually beats astronaut, as many a slain klingon will tell you. But just how many politicians can trace their roots to this most nationalistic of sporting enterprises? And just how hilariously stereotypical can their sports be?

This is by no means an exhaustive list (this is the sort of list I came up with given about an hour's prep time and unrestricted Google access), but it covers some of the more famous Olympians-turned-public servants... as well as some of the less famous but significantly more hilarious ones.

Bill Bradley: 1964 Gold Medalist in Basketball, US Senator from 1979-1997

Superior passing ability-- what I look for in a president.

It wasn't merely his exceptional record of service in the US Senate that gave this New Jersey Democrat the tenacity to oppose then Vice President Al Gore for the Democratic nomination for president. It was also the leadership ability he displayed in the 1964 Tokyo Olympics as the captain of the US Basketball team. Clearly.

Sebastian Coe, Baron Coe, KBE: 1980 and 1984 Gold Medalist in 1500m race and British Parliamentarian

Running strong for the Conservative Party

Sebastian Coe is not only a two-time Gold medalist in the 1500 meter race, not just the current Chairman of the London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games, and not just a former Conservative Parliamentarian, but also a Knight of the British Empire. How cool is that?

(FYI, this is why you read this blog. So that you don't have to look at sites like this. My eyes! My ears!)

Otto Jelinek: Figure Skated in 1960 Rome Olympics and Canadian Minister of Multiculturalism

Figure skating costumes were classier in black and white.

Otto and his sister Maria were the first to perform lifts with several rotations, a skill that would come in handy later-- I can only assume that the job of Minister of National Revenue requires some heavy lifting and... rotating?

...I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

Dawn Fraser: Eight-time Medalist and Member of the New South Wales Legislative Assembly. Also, Official Australian National Living Treasure.

If only you were this cool.

Dawn Fraser is a kick-ass woman. In her swimming career, she held 39 records, won eight medals (four gold, four silver), won gold in the same event at three successive Olympics, and was the first woman to break 1:00 in the 100 Freestyle (breaking her own previous record). In fact, she held the record for the 100 Freestyle for more than 15 years!

But, she was, as Wikipedia says, a larrikin. (Don't worry, I had to look it up too. According to Wikipedia, larrikinism is "a uniquely Australian folk tradition of irreverence, mockery of authority and disregard for rigid norms of propriety.") The Australian Swimming Union put her under a ten-year swimming ban in 1965 after some antics at the Tokyo Olympics. (Great name for a rock band idea #507: Antics at the Tokyo Olympics.) She apparently marched in the Opening Ceremony against the wishes of organizers, wore a non-regulation swimsuit because it was more comfortable (scandal!), and allegedly climbed a flagpole in Emperor Hirohito's palace, stealing the Olympic flag. So... that's how to get you suspended from swimming for a decade, just in case you were wondering. Steal the Japanese Emperor's flag.

Embracing her early retirement, Fraser eventually went on to become a member of the New South Wales Parliament between 1988 and 1991. When the Olympics came to Sydney, of course, she was a torch bearer on the final stretch of the relay. It's really the least the Olympics could do to honor her true awesomeness.

Alexander Karelin: Russian Wrestler and Member of Russian Duma

Hey, I know, let's make this image reflect as much of the Cold War mentality as possible. You know, metaphorically speaking, Capitalist Pig-Dog.

Alexander Karelin competed in four Olympics, from the 1980s on. In fact, his tenure as Greco-Roman Wrestling Gold Medalist outlasted his country. Thanks in part to his trademark Karelin Lift (where he would literally lift and drop his 250+ pound opponent), he went undefeated from 1987 until 2000. He had to fit his Olympic training regime into his busy campaigning schedule in the lead up to the 2000 Sidney games.

Unstoppable and uniquely terrifying strongman and close personal friend of Vladimir Putin who can bash the opposition into the ground? Sounds about right for Russian politics.

And that's all for me, folks. Join us next time when we will present something else about the Olympics or something.

For further reading, look to:

USAToday, How to beat an Olympian incumbent: Unfortunately, despite the headline, the article offers little practical advise.

Archeology.org, Winning at Olympia: Rocking it old school style with Archibaldes, the Athenian politician and general who entered seven chariots in the 416 B.C. games. He basically swept, winning first, second, and either third or fourth places.

NYTimes, Bob Mathias, 75, Decathlete and Politician, Dies: The Gold medal winner and four term Congressman was "modest, clean-cut and self-confident, the epitome of the all-American boy." Well, duh. He was an OLYMPIAN. They do these kinds of things.

Ireland and the Spanish Civil War, Olympians and the War: Not one but two Irish Olympians who were also politicians fought and died in the Spanish Civil War. Hooray for awkwardly specific history! (One was named Eoin O'Duffy. It doesn't get any more Irish than that, seriously.)

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!

Honorary Mention:

Imran Khan, Hot Pakistani Cricketer and Cancer Crusader

Look at that social conscience. Just look at it.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: Cricket is not an Olympic sport. Deal. It's my blog, I do what I want!

Imran Khan was one of the hottest Cricket players alive, and not just for his superior bowling skills. Described by many as "the Brad Pitt of Cricket," he led Pakistan to win the 1992 World Cup title. After he retired from Cricket, he was ready to live a quiet life of philanthropy. Pakistani bureaucracy, however, had a different plan!

After facing barriers to setting up a cancer hospital for the poor, he was inspired to take up public duty. He formed the Tehriq-E-Insaaf (Movement of Justice Party) in 1997.

Also, as if that weren't awesome enough, he was recently freakin' incarcerated when Musharraf declared the State of Emergency. He was released, along with 3000 other political prisoners, in November last year.

Badass.

Sources: BBC, Wikipedia, NYTimes, womenaustralia.info, CBC, and other various sites and stuff. (By the way, I have a fun game! Go back to my early posts here and trace the devolution of my citations. Bah. I need to stop posting right before bedtime when I've already closed all the tabs and I just plain can't be bothered.)

Badass South Africans

2008-06-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

What is the Olympics about, really? Is it about all the nations in the world coming together as a peaceful community in the name of healthy competition? Is it about blatant and shameless capitalist consumerism? Is it about running swifter, reaching higher, and being stronger?

If you listen to American coverage of the Games, it is about one thing and one thing only: the amazingly heart-wrenching story of triumph over adversity. And this year the gold medal goes unequivocally to team South Africa.

First we have Oscar Pistorius. He is a world-class runner, having broken a world record in the 400 meters and set many other South African records in other sprinting events. Known as the fastest man on no legs, Pistorius wins able-bodied races despite losing both legs at an early age.

Some have questioned his speed an agility, chalking up his wins to his disability. They contend that his carbon-fiber prostheses give him an unfair advantage. Citing data that suggested his prosthetic legs used less energy than the calves of other runners, the International Association of Athletics Federation ruled in January that he would be ineligible for the Olympics. But in May, the Court of Arbitration for Sport ruled that there was insufficient evidence to prevent Pistorius from qualifying for the able-bodied Olympics.

He has not done so yet-- he has until June 30. I think he can. He's the Blade Runner, after all.

As if that weren't enough for the amazingly awesome South African team, swimmer Natalie du Toit has qualified for both the Olympics and the Paralympics-- the first athlete ever to compete in both events. (Pistorius may be the second, if he qualifies for the Olympics.) She is also missing a leg, but does not use a prosthesis for swimming-- making her less controversial than her fellow countryman. But honestly? No less awesome.

Diving off the starting block. Awesomely.

Man, South Africa, you are so cool right now. You have the most badass athletes of all the athletes so far. Good job.

My first born? Totally named Aoyun.

2008-06-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

I can't allow the day to pass without mention of an AMAZING BBC article my friend sent me: Chinese Babies named 'Olympic Games'

To be fair, in Chinese the name is actually "Aoyun," which is not a terrible name, all things told. Also, China has a much stronger tradition of naming tykes after attributes or other random but powerful nouns than the US does. (Insert standard Hollywood-baby names-those folks are CRAZY joke here.)

And really, of all the things to be named in the world, Olympic Games is not the worst. It's a name with a longstanding tradition, closely tied both to the modern and ancient world. It denotes tenacity, fortitude, speed, grace, courage, and dignity (except, of course, where mascots are concerned). It's a name a small Chinese baby could be proud of.

An ADORABLE small Chinese baby! Just look at him!

Daaaaaaw. For you, little one, I Heart China too.

The Best Runway In Town

2008-06-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

Olympic fashion is everywhere these days, from the front page of the New York Times website-- Seeking Marathon Edge, Can Rice Lead to Gold? (actual first line of article: "Olympic marathon runners are no less obsessed about shoes than the gal pals in 'Sex and the City.'")-- to debates over swim wear (Japan Lifts Swimsuit Ban, BBC News).

But let us leave those discussions to what we call "serious blogs and news sources." No, I know what all of you are here for.

HARK! THE RIDICULOUS!

We begin with a trip down memory lane, to some of the fashions of the past...

Oh Aristidis Konstantinidis, will your mustache ever not be sexy?
He won the first cycling thingy, guys. Show some respect.

The archery lasses didn't get all the long skirt love. Just take a gander at these tennis outfits, circa 1896! Yeesh.

Moving forward, let us consider, for a moment, the Opening Ceremonies. You know, where everyone comes into the stadium, led by a placard-bearer, and all dressed in identical outfits? It's a pretty awesome bonding moment for everyone. But wait a minute, what happens if the designer happens to put everyone in doofy hats?

This. This is what happens.

But this year, surely they've learned their lesson. I mean, that previous photo was from 1992. Fashions have changed since then, right?

"Change" is one word for it...
This is Canada's official 2008 gear. I would not lie about something like this.

This, though. This is fuckin' badass.
Canadian designer, you weren't entirely on crack

Well, let us now consider Italy. Italy is considered to be the birthplace of high fashion. The shows in Milan and Rome truly set the stage for world trends in fashion. Surely their Opening Ceremonies would be in the best of taste and refinement. Right? RIGHT?

Um. Do you see the bitty skiers?

Really, Italy? You're going with the flaming robots?
...Okay. Whatever.

You know what? I could take you through every single fashion faux pas the Olympics has ever caused or been witness to (FIGURE SKATING!! FIGURE SKATING!!), but instead I will just move on to the image that has stuck with me since I was a wee lass of seven. Seriously. Barcelona 1992, may your snow globes never be forgotten.

And now? As we look to Beijing 2008?

Yeah. At least it's not a snow globe.

It's Beginning

2008-06-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

Can you feel it? It's in the air, it's on the TV, it's in the Parade weekly insert in the paper. Olympics buzz has officially begun.*

All that talk about the torch run and the pollution, nah, that was just build up. We're getting ready for the main event, now. Things are starting to seep into the popular culture-- there are TV commercials, there are endorsements, and before you know it, it will be time to light up that big torch again. We have fewer than 60 days until the opening ceremony of the Beijing 2008 Olympics-- your visa cards are getting spruced up, the athlete coverage is beginning, and we're dusting off our copies of John William's seminal Call of the Champions. You know the one.

*As declared by me. Duh.

A Look Back: London '08!

2008-05-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

Where were you in 1908? The Olympics were in London!

Queen Elizabeth II hosted a reception at Windsor Castle today to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the IV Olympiad. Of course, it's only roughly the 100th anniversary, as the games were held between April and October, 1908. (They were serious about endurance back in those days.)

We here at Mount Olympics are going to celebrate the only way we know how: showing silly photos and telling entertaining stories. Happy 100 years, 1908 Olympics!

First, we must look at why the games were held in London in the first place. It was the first time in the history of the Olympic Games that two cities, Rome and London were vying to host Unfortunately for Rome, Italy decided that 1908 was a fairly good year to explode.

Vesuvius BLOWS UP!

The Italian government decided that it should probably allocate its funds to, you know, rebuilding Naples rather than hosting an Olympic Games. So London it was!

London! Totally manly! Indubitably!

From the beginning, the Games were controversial. But it wasn't genocide/severe human rights violations/Communism/terrorism controversy. No, this was the adorable type of controversy. It mainly involved flags. According to a list from Wikipedia, the controversies included:

The Finnish team was expected to march under the Russian flag rather than the proud Finnish one. Many on the Finnish team chose to march in the Opening Ceremonies without a flag at all.
The Swedish team decided not to march in the Opening Ceremonies at all after the Swedish flag was not displayed above the stadium.
The US flag was also snubbed from the display above the stadium (that must have been some kind of an awesome display for people to get so worked up about it!) In retaliation, the American flag bearer refused to dip the flag to the royal box. And the proud tradition of not dipping the American flag to nobody was begun. (At least they didn't sing Toby Keith songs, that's all I'm saying.)

Enough controversy! Let's get on with the silly pictures!

Remember how Tug of War was totally a sport?

In 1908, the Gold Medal was awarded to a British team from the City of London Police Club. A small part of me can't help but think of the Ankh Morpork City Watch.

Let's hear it for the British Lady Archers!

It doesn't matter that they were the only female archery team in the games! They totally rocked.

The winners' certificate.

The games were again held in London in 1948 and will be held there in 2012. Luckily enough, they've unveiled their logo, so we can see how far we've come.

Good lord, it burns.

Sources:
Olympic.org, BBC.co.uk, Wikipedia, NYTimes

The New York Times steals all my good ideas

2008-05-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

No really.

Somewhere in New York, someone is getting paid cashy money to do what I do for you here every day (or really about once a week, when I feel like it) for FREE. The New York Times unveiled their very own blog about the Olympics earlier this month. It updates daily and everything!

What is their blog called? Rings. This one? Five Rings. I have FIVE of them, people. I am clearly better qualified. Also, I came first. So there. Suck it, New York Times.

Also, they're doing that whole "Clever Comment: Relevant Subtitle" thing! That was my thing, New York Times. Mine.

Let's compare, just really quickly.

Five Rings, April 11: An Adventure in Symbology, Part 1: THE FLAME
Rings, May 28, 2008: The Starting Line: Smog, Golf, Stadiums, and Banned Swimmers

Mine uses all caps. Clearly it is MORE IMPORTANT.

I HAVE MORE RANTING. But, if you'll excuse me, I'm going off to read about smog and some banned swimmers.

I Heart Quatchi

2008-05-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics. Not because I might actually be able to go to the Games. Not because the skeleton is perhaps the craziest sport ever invented by deranged minds.

It's because of Quatchi.

Meet Quatchi, the Sasquatch from Quebec.

Remember that epic mascot blog I did a while back? (Of course you do, it's really the only reason to visit this nook of the internet.*) I left out my favorite mascots of all time, the Vancouver 2010 team!

They just didn't fit in with the other crazies. After all, they haven't exactly had their time in the sun yet. And with good reason! The spend most of their time hiding! Or so one would suspect, seeing as they are completely ridiculous cryptozoological creatures. One is an orca-bear monstrosity.

Here, just... watch the video. It explains absolutely nothing, but it does it far better than I could.

But the Quebecois Sasquatch who has a passion for photography and hockey is perhaps the greatest thing to ever happen to the Olympics, ever.

World? This totally makes up for Izzy. Just when I thought nothing ever could.

*Hell yes I'm revolutionizing the online lexicon. None too shabby for this here cranny of the webbernaut, eh?**
**Oh my God, Quatchi, I've gone native. Pretty soon Mount Olympics will be bilingual and the dollar will be replaced by the Loonie! Not that I'm complaining, mind you. Have you seen how strong the Loonie is these days? Currently worth one US dollar and one US penny and rising.

An Adventure in Symbology, Part 2: THE RINGS

2008-05-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

The Olympic Rings: just the sight of those five wants to make you start humming that triumphant John Williams trumpet solo, doesn't it? But the real story behind the symbol is full of intrigue and falsehoods, everything from the false involvement of Swiss psychiatrists to faked ancient symbolism. Just smell that Adventure History starting to cook!

Let's explore, shall we?

The five-ringed symbol we all know and love was initially brought before the world Congress of 1914 (back when they could take anything called "the world Congress" seriously) to "represent the five parts of the world which now are won over to Olympism and willing to accept healthy competition." (That's the problem with those damn penguins-- they play too damn dirty.)

The six colors are meant to represent the flags of the world, with at least one color appearing on every flag in the world. Not all at the same time, clearly. Otherwise we would have many more amazing technicolor flags. We can't all be as cool as Ethiopia.

Initially, the colors were assigned to very specific flags. The blue was for Sweden, the blue and white was for Greece, blue, white, and red were for the English, American, German, Belgian, Italian, and Hungarian flags. The yellow and red were for the Spanish flag (with the Brazilian and Australian innovations, whatever the hell that means). Also Japan and China. As Coubertin himself wrote, "Voilá vraiment un embléme international!" (The exclamation point is mine.)

I just want you all to know that I just translated that from French. I don't speak French. I sacrifice so much for you people. FYI.

The countries that Coubertin listed are significant for what they omitted. South Africa, for instance, was not mentioned, although South African athletes had competed at every Olympic games since 1896. (Upcoming blog post alert: Imperialism and the Olympics, YAY.)

Wikipedia infers that the original interlocked ring design originally came from Carl Jung (yes, that Carl Jung) because somebody doesn't know how to read academic texts. Jung's involvement is, in fact, a lie. The good doctor merely enjoyed the nature of interlocking rings in general, not necessarily the Olympic symbol in particular. This is actually what the official Olympic pamphlet says:

Circles, after all, connote wholeness (as we are told by the psychologist Karl Jung), the interlocking of them, continuity.

Oh, Wikipedia, when will you tell me true facts? I was all excited, too, because that Carl Jung reference was really cool. Damn my academic training and my propensity to look at primary sources!

Anyway, back to the rings.

For the great big 1936 torch relay (we discussed this in Part 1, if you recall), the Germans decided to go all out, visiting all kinds of historic Greek sites. With a flair for drama and ancient symbolism, the organizers carved the five rings into an ancient pillar at Delphi (as in "the Oracles at").

Nazis are vandalizing ancient treasures?!

Where is Indiana Jones when you need him?

In the 1950s, two historians visited Delphi, found the stone, and thought they had unearthed a crucial link from the past. In their history of the ancient Olympic games, they mistakenly reported that they had found an authentic relic. Whoops!

This reference was then spread by people too lazy to figure out (as Paul Harvey would say) the Rest of the Story. But now you know.

Ultimately, the appeal of the Olympic rings lies not in their ancient history, nor their more recent slightly imperialist history, nor their tenuous ties to significant Swiss psychiatrists. The five rings represent an image that is indelibly burned into the brains of billions across the globe: the symbol itself constitutes some common knowledge that the whole world shares.

Plus, it's just so easy to riff off the image, be it for the purpose of parody, protest, or ceremony.

Stately!

Image sources: Wikipedia, bbc.co.uk, chinadaily.co.cn, laphamsquarterly.org, tribuneindia.com

References: "This Great Symbol: Tricks of History" by Robert Knight Barney, Wikipedia (though it gave me lies), vancouver2010.com/en

The Torch is on Top of the World

2008-05-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

As of today, the torch-wielding Chinese climbing team made it to the very tippy top of the world. Even though there is very little oxygen that high in the atmosphere, the torch blazed true.

This torch is different than the one that traveled around the world-- it was specially designed to blaze on Mount Everest. It was unsullied by controversy, by protests, and by that awkward incident where it actually got extinguished in Paris. Its only job is to burn freely, as high as we can go.

Mount Everest: Closed

2008-05-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

I really need to go to bed, but before I do, here's this little tidbit.

China has closed Mount Everest.

Seriously.

Mount Everest is situated in the Himalayas on the border between Tibet (to the north) and Nepal (to the south). The Tibetan side of the mountain has been closed for some time to Westerners, nobody can get in or out of the area, let alone up the mountain. But as the torch climbs up and down the tallest peak on earth, there will be nobody to impede it or plant any Free Tibet flags at the summit. An American climber found with a Free Tibet flag at base camp got deported last week. They're not screwing around.

Chinese officials expect to reopen the mountain on May 10th at the latest... unless, you know, the torch gets delayed or something. All they're saying is that the torch will go up on a day in May when conditions are favorable. In the meantime, everyone else gets to play the waiting game.

They haven't begun quite yet-- the team is hanging out at base camp, waiting for storms to abate.

See that tiny little flame up near the tippy-top? No?
Well, you will on a day in May when the weather is favorable.

Also, man, if there's ever a sherpa hall of fame, I'm willing to bet the sherpa torch bearer guys are going to be in it.

Tug-of-War was once an Olympic sport!

2008-05-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

And the world was a much better place for it.

About two weeks ago I got really excited about starting a blog about the Olympics and politics and weird sports. I went to the library and checked out a ton of books-- all of which would be due two weeks later. In an effort to not hold the entire Olympics collection hostage, I've been trying to figure out which books to send back. Some of them have stuff that is just too good to lose without mention.

So here we go-- random trip through random factoids from random library books. Awesome!

Sports that weren't:
The pankerton was basically a super intense game of uncle-- no rounds, no time limits, and few rules. Competitors were only restricted from gouging eyes and biting, but apparently "pankratiasts often got away with both."
Pigeon shooting was an official sport in Paris in 1900. Now they use clay pigeons, the spoilsports.

Speaking of spoilsports, my Eyewitness Olympics book (you know the brand-- lots of pretty pictures and lengthy informative captions) has an entire two pages devoted to spoilsports. Here is the list of spoilsports, as far as I can tell:

Palestinian terrorists in 1972
Hitler
Idi Amin
World Wars. Just, you know, in general.

Hitler was the spoilsport, not Jesse Owens.

Sources:
Eyewitness Books, Olympics, published 1999.
Image comes from Amazon.com and is the cover of a VHS tape, I think.

Edit: For a more detailed discussion of just how Hitler was a spoilsport and a more thorough discussion of the Jesse Owens story, see my new blog post: Jesse Owens and Hitler.

I've got Mascot Fever!

2008-04-29T15:04:00.000-07:00

Meet the Fuwa, or for us Western folk the Friendlies. They are China's Olympic mascots-- Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, and Nini. But don't just take my word for it, watch this AMAZING cartoon depicting their origins!

Okay, so there's a fish, a flame, a panda, a swallow, and an antelope. But where do mascots really come from?

Let's take a look at Olympic mascot history, in all its glory. Let's start, as Julie Andrews would say, at the very beginning. It is a very good place to start.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Schuss.

Schuss is kind of freaky looking, and nobody knows what exactly it is. But, as the predecessor of all Olympic mascots to come, the freakishness is completely appropriate.

The word schuss means a fast downhill ski run. The character Schuss is apparently... doing that? I think?

Schuss was the unofficial mascot to the 1968 Winter Games at Grenoble. He is unofficial, as far as I can tell, because there was never any plush made of him, which is apparently the criterion to be an official Olympic mascot. Plush.

Anyway, some of the souvenirs from the Grenoble games featured his likeness, and when they sold well, some marketing genius got ahold of the idea and... voila! A new Olympic tradition was born!

Waldi!

Everyone, meet Waldi. Waldi, meet everyone. Waldi is the first official Olympic mascot (please note the plushiness). He was introduced to the world at the 1972 Munich games, and was totally not a part of all the suckiness that went down there. See, Waldi is more like the redemption of those damn games-- a message that yes, maybe the Olympics doesn't exactly solve everything, but at least we can give the world a little bit more adorable.

Waldi was modeled after a Cherie von Birkenhof, which is apparently a long haired breed of Dachshund. Because we all know Dachshunds are sherbet-colored.

Canada gives us our first round of Indigenously inspired mascots!

"Amik in Indian language means beaver," the International Olympic Committee's official website proclaims. Sometimes the IOC's politically correct message of international equality falls a little flat, but maybe they were just trying to reflect the general sentiment of the times, which was one of ham-fisted attempts at inclusion of other cultures.

Amik actually derives from the Anishinaabe language (which technically, yes, is an Indian language). The beaver was chosen as a mascot because it represents hard work and dedication and is also native to Eastern Canada. The image itself was only chosen, I imagine, because it was the 70s and crack was just what we did then, man.

SCHNEEMANN!!

1976 also saw the dawn of the Schneemann, which means snowman in what I'm sure the IOC would describe as Lederhosen language (it's actually German, as the games were held in Innsbruck, Austria). Save the most awesome name for the creepiest looking mascot, that's what I always say.

Schneemann holds the upcoming lead in Mascots: The Olympic Horror Massacre Bloodbath and is also grandpappy to Neve and Gliz of Turin '06. But wait up, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

1980: Misha the Bear

Misha was described as "the embodiment of kindness and strength, hospitality and sportmanship, nerve and calm."

Oh yeah. I can see how nervous and yet calm he is. Can't you?

The bear has "an independent character and confidence in its strength-- qualities essential for each competitor." Misha's full name is Mikhail Potapych Toptygin. This revelation, granted by the BBC, only leads me to ask more questions. Why does he have a middle name? Why is he so cute?

Cosmonaut Vladimir Kovalyonok even took Misha into space to the Salyut 6 Laboratory. Apparently, he's still there, hanging out in space.

The Moscow games also had a much less popular mascot named Vigri, the baby seal. He apparently was the mascot only for the yachting events.

Awwww, but look at how adorable he is! It's okay, Vigri, I'll always think you're the most adorable mascot of the 1980 Moscow Games, even if that bastard bear Misha gets all the credit. Oh hey, Vigri, you'll enjoy this-- we named our dog Misha.

Oh, he's even wearing an adorable little cap! I just want to hug that precious little Soviet propaganda tool.

Point of Inquiry? Not that I'm complaining, because this seal is seriously cute, but why did the yachting event get its own mascot?

Raccoon Tragedy Strikes

Meet Roni the raccoon, a last minute replacement mascot.

Roni's back story is actually the saddest of the bunch. The 1980 Lake Placid games was going to present Rocky the Raccoon, the first living mascot in the history of the Olympic games. Unfortunately, Rocky exhibited one of the disadvantages of living creatures-- he died. Right before the games.

And in the mad dash to create a new marketable mascot, corners got cut. At least, that's the only explanation that makes sense to me. 'Cause damn, that's one hideous raccoon.

Uncle Sam Meets Disney Meets the IOC
and they all have a party.

Sam the Eagle helped out when Los Angeles hosted the 1984 Summer Olympics. Designed by a team of Disney artists, Sam the Eagle does not quite exhibit the hideous conglomeration of cute and horrifying of, say, Schneeman. Sam the Eagle seems to be a little bit before his time in terms of marketability, simplicity, and overall aesthetics. But never fear, the hideous will return soon, in the form of...

Vucko! The horrifying Serbian wolf!

Cower and tremble before Vucko, the scariest mascot to date (including Schneeman, and I didn't think that was possible). He headlined at the Sarajevo Olympics of 1984.

Seriously, I think he wants to eat my brain. Or at least the hairs of my chinny chin chin.

Vucko was elected mascot by popular vote among the Yugoslav newsreading public. Which leads me to believe that the Yugoslav newsreading public were deranged.

The plush is not much better at all. Vucko wears a ribbon as a scarf and smiles his creepy-ass smile. Do you know what? He probably ate the Lillehammer mascots of '94 when they showed up wherever the retired mascots go.

The Seoul Olympics are GRRRRREAT!

The cute returns with Hodori, the mascot of the Seoul 1988 Olympics. As any great mascot should, Hodori demonstrates his favorite Olympic sport, which is apparently Rhythmic Gymnastics. You twirl that ribbon, Hodori, twirl it like there's no tomorrow.

In a nod to political correctness, Hodori was the first mascot to have a female companion. In a nod to political incorrectness, Hosuni never appears anywhere without Hodori, and appears to be nothing more than a slightly smaller version of the exact same image. Oh well, at least they were trying.

Canada Again Brings the Kitsch

Calgary's 1988 Olympics brought two more members to the mascot family. Hidy and Howdy, billed as inseparable polar bear siblings, they bring to the table much of what Canada is famous for: hospitality, oversized plushy costumes, hokey western wear, and incredible, blinding paleness.

These two were conceived by the International Mascot Corporation. I think, after you see the other Olympic mascot IMC is responsible for, you will join me in my international movement to condemn the corporation and all the plushiness it stands for.

Cobi the Cubist Catalan Sheepdog

Cobi is apparently based on Picasso's interpretation of Las Meninas. Really, I'm not seeing it. But Cobi did bring a certain simplistic adorability to the 1992 Barcelona games.

Although his appearance is unique and creative, his name is not. Cobi is derived from the acronym for the Barcelona Olympic Organizing Committee (COOB in Spanish). Come on folks! Naming the mascot after your own bureaucratic committee? LAME.

As far as I can tell, Cobi is the first participant in another fine Olympic mascot tradition: starring one's own nationally broadcast television cartoon, only he didn't make it onto TV until after the Olympics were over. So that's 10 points for longevity, but -25 for not doing your job and creating buzz, Cobi. Way to go.

Magique-- It's like Christmas in France

Say hello to Magique, a happy little Snow Imp from That Year When They Just Stopped Trying (also known as Albertville 1992).

Magique is kind of the replacement mascot, however, because the previously announced mascot (Chamois, a happy little mountain goat seen here) was "unceremoniously dropped two years before the games," according to the IOC.

Which is completely ridiculous, if only because everything the IOC does is ceremonious.

There's some speculation on the internet (and, like any good debate on the internet, it's coupled with some fairly pornographic images... I'm just warning you now) that Magique was chosen over Chamois because the theme for that year's ceremonies was Cirque du Soleil and the mountain goat just wasn't fitting in. Honestly, though, I think "fitting in" is the last thing on Magique's mind. He's probably preoccupied with his lack of opposable thumbs and the high fever that's turning him that awful pink color.

Hello Kristen, Hello Unpronounceable

Here are Kristen and Haakon, the first human mascots of the any Olympic games. They come from Lillehammer, Norway, circa 1994. It would normally be sort of creepy to have humanish mascots, but Kristen and Haakon are just so darn cute, I can't say anything else. Instead, I'll let the IOC website speak for me.

"Haakon and Kristin were two children from Norwegian folklore... There were also several pairs of real-life blond, blue eyed Norwegian children who, in keeping with the loveable mascots’ human form, portrayed them in-the-flesh and travelled the world promoting the Games."

Never mind. Still creepy as hell.

HOLY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING??

It's Izzy, the Whatzit, signifying all that is wrong, horrible, and evil in the world, and, you guessed it, another International Mascot Corporation brainchild.

Instead of poking fun at this atrocity, let me just quote to you Izzy's actual back story thought up by people who actually get paid actual money to do this sort of thing.

"With the first flicker of fire, the renewed Olympic Spirit energized a tiny spark within the flame. As the torch passed on from one Olympiad to the next, the energy became a force so powerful it created a new world, the Torch World, right there in the cauldron. The Whatizits, born of the same force, instinctively knew they were the 'keepers of the flame.' ... Only one, the little blue Whatizit named Izzy, had higher ambitions. He dreamed of leaving Torch World to participate in the Olympic Games on Earth. ... The rights of passage had to be earned by finding the five Olympic rings hidden in the center of Torch World, a rugged and dangerous region where no Whatizit had ever tread. Izzy encountered volcano eruptions, mountains, glaciers, waterfalls, swift rapids, big dark caves, fire-breathing dragons, and other dangers, but valiantly emerged from his quest with all five rings."

I believe I'm not alone when I say... WHAAAAATT???? Atlanta '96, baby.

What, you haven't heard of Japanese owls?

While these Owls, named Sukki, Nokki, Lekki, Tsukki, and Bob, (no, wait, sorry, that's five) do appear to have been drawn by the commission's collective three-year-old daughter, everyone can agree that they are much better designed than some of the previous mascots. After all, at least that three-year-old had some color sensibility.

Not All Australian Animals Are Poisonous

The first games of the new millennium were held in Sydney, and Olly the Kookaburra, Syd the Platypus, and Millie the Echidna were there to greet everyone. They were friendly, happy, and a little bit too cartooney for some folks' taste. For example, since when to echidnas have breasts? Everyone knows they have milk patches and no nipples!

No, seriously, I looked it up.

Also, Platypuses have poisonous leg spines. So, you know, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Salt Lake City: Bears Welcome!

We're bringing back the Native American legends, folks. Just a warning.

Salt Lake City's 2002 Olympics looked to the official Olympic motto ("Citius, Altius, Fortius") for mascot inspiration. Also Native American myths. But of course! From the IOC website:

Snowshoe Hare, "Powder" (Swifter): At one time, the sun was burning up the earth. The hare ran swiftly to the top of the mountain. Shooting her arrow at the sun, she dropped it lower in the sky and cooled the land.

Coyote, "Copper" (Higher): When the world turned dark and frozen, the coyote climbed the highest mountaintop and stole the flame from the fire people. He brought warmth back to the earth.

American Black Bear, "Coal" (Stronger): Long ago brave hunters left their villages to track the mighty bear, but the bear was too strong and outlasted the hunters. Today, sons of the hunters continue the chase [the bear] in the night sky.

Funny, they left out all the parts where Coyote gets horny. I wonder why.

Know Your Roots, Y'all

Athens 2004 knew how to kick it Old School. And by Old School I mean Bronze Age. Athena and Phevos are based off of ancient dolls or religious symbols from back in the back in the day.

Or, to put it another way, I kind of love the official Beijing Olympic website's description of them:

"The lovely mascots, Athena and Phevos, with their whacking feet, longish necks and puny heads, one in deep yellow and the other in deep blue, are based on dolls, thousands of years old, found at archeological sites in Greece."

Neve! Gliz!

Torino '06 saw a new breed of Olympic mascots: overly stylized crystallized water structures. But wait, I feel like I've seen this before, perhaps in 1976...

Neve is a "gentle, kind and elegant snowball," while Gliz is a "lively, playful ice cube."
They apparently reflect the many facets of Turin 2006: passion, enthusiasm, culture, elegance, and love of the environment and of sport.

Of course. I totally get that the snowball is elegant and the ice cube is concerned about environmentalism. Duh.

***********

And now we're back at the present day. What a long, strange journey it has been. Remember, Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, and Nini welcome you to Beijing. They had better-- the first syllables of their names, when said together, mean "Beijing welcomes you" in Chinese.

After all, nothing says "Welcome" like a mascot.

*********

UPDATE OMG: There have been other Olympiads since, so let's check over on those!

Vancouver 2010: Quatchi, Sumi, and Miga! A sasquatch, a thunderbird, and an orcabear. BFFs4 LYFE. (I freaking love these mascots. I have no qualms!)

Singapore Youth Olympics 2010: Lyo and Merly. Who doesn't love mythical sea creatures?

London 2012: Another ham-fisted attempt at allowing a marketing firm design your mascot.

Sources:
Long Izzy quote from http://www.izzypins.com/history.php, an actual fan site for actual fans of actual Izzy pins. Really.
The photos came from a lot of different sources, including but not limited to the IOC official website, Beijing 2008's official website, the photos from a returned Mormon missionary, and various blogs across the internet. I'm not hotlinking any of them-- all the images have been downloaded and re-uploaded. If somebody needs me to find where I found them, just ask. I probably should have kept better track.
Barukh Hazan, Olympic Sports and Propaganda Games: Moscow 1980, Transaction Publishers.

Sport Solves Cuban Missile Crisis!

2008-04-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

"Sport reaches areas far beyond any sphere of political influence and has probably done more to unify nations than any politician has been capable of." --Nelson Mandela

"The goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development of man, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity."
--Olympic Charter

The Olympics holds a strange and quirky place in International Affairs. After all, where else can the North Koreans and the South Koreans officially stand under the same flag? (Without Kim Jong Il hovering his finger over some big red button, that is. And even though people might say "BAD Kim Jong Il, nobody gets to touch the button, the man is Kim Jong Il! What are you going to do about it?)

The International Olympic Committee is a Non-Governmental Organization that is charged with the mission of promoting the Olympic Movement throughout the world. What is the "Olympic Movement"? you might ask. Well, it includes such bullet points as:

1. Olympism is a philosophy of life,exalting and combining in a balanced whole the qualities of body, will and mind. Blending sport with culture and education, Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles.

and

5. Any form of discrimination with regard to a country or a person on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic Movement.

The Olympics is about competition, sure, but it's also about the promotion of peace, goodwill, and understanding through competition. And here's the thing: sometimes it works.

Of course, sometimes it doesn't work. I could mention the 1936 Berlin Games (the Hitler Olympics) or the 1972 Munich Games (where terrorists killed 11 athletes). But let us focus instead on my example from before. In 2000, North Korea and South Korea marched into the Sydney stadium under a single flag. Two athletes, one from each country, marched out in front of a unified team. These countries have had a flag battle at the DMZ for decades-- one flag gets taller, so the other country has to get a taller flag, and so on.

Okay, so North Korea and South Korea competed as different teams, yeah, but so do the US and Puerto Rico. There's only so much you can ask at once.

The Olympic motto is “Citius – Altius – Fortius.” Swifter. Faster. Stronger.

Maybe someday we'll all get there.

Korean Flag

Sources: Nelson Mandela quoted by Michael Payne in Olympic Tournaround, (Westport, CT: Praeger, 2006).
Olympic Charter, IOC, in force from 7 July 2007.

The Torch Goes to India!

2008-04-17T19:35:00.000-07:00

India has figured out a way to keep the public from protesting the torch as it travels through the streets of New Delhi.

Don't let them in.

No, seriously, the public is not allowed to be involved in the torch relay at all in New Delhi. Entire streets normally full of vendors, bicycles, and traffic are closed off entirely, as Bollywood's brightest stars carry the torch through the streets.

It makes sense in a way. After all, India has the largest population of displaced Tibetans in the world. And they are not happy.

Because I have a blog, I must have an opinion. And my opinion here is... I'm torn. Are the Olympic torch relay protests an effective tool of public mobilization toward the goal of better human rights for all citizens of the world, and specifically for citizens of Tibet and Darfur? Or are they merely a symbolic gesture toward a politically unimportant symbol?

In essence, the protests are effective overall in increasing awareness of China's human rights abuses. But they are not the best forum to bring these issues to the table.

Part of the reason that the IOC decided to have the Olympics in China was to expand the Olympics' legitimacy as an international organization by including countries that have never hosted the games before. And it was also to encourage China to increase transparency and improve its human rights record. After all, the Olympics brings a level of international scrutiny from both the press and the international community. After all, the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, Australia was an impetus to force Australia to confront its past oppression of Aboriginal people.

But it doesn't seem to be working.

China keeps cracking down. And they are keeping the international media out.

There are better ways to protest. Much better ways. Boycott Chinese products (yes, that does include your cell phone, iPod, and most of the gadgets in your house). Meet the ships coming in from China, and protest the import of their products. Become more concerned about lead paint in toys imported from China. Pressure media outlets to be more aggressive in pursuing news in China, and pressure internet search engines to end censorship of outside websites.

But people are lazy, and Tibet is a happy place. The Free Tibet bumper stickers and flags are pretty and well-designed, very fashionable on cars and adorning walls. Overall, it's much easier to object to a totally symbolic piece of Chinese power: a torch, whose flame can go out.

Oh, by the way? The torch will be going through Tibet and up Mount Everest. That will be interesting.

Image source: torchrelay.beijing2008.cn
Yeah, it's a Chinese website.

The Olympics and Political Protests: Then and Now

2008-04-13T18:54:00.001-07:00

As a serious blogger of the Olympics, I feel it is my duty to point out relevant links that have been previously pointed out to me. In that spirit, I give you an article from the New York Times about protests back in the day.

The gist: even the ancient Greeks got angry about where the games were held! Only instead of protests with signs and projectile sponges, the Greeks had wars.

The ancient Greeks are officially more badass at everything they did. They wrestled naked, they created Democracy, and when they were angry about something, they were really, really angry about it. They're not digging out their retro "Free Tibet" flags, they were digging out their loincloths and spears instead.

Someday I'll have a more in-depth look at the current politico-Olympic situation. In the meantime, I'll just leave you with this:

Hey, guys, I hear they're hosting the games in a country we don't agree with! Let's dig out some signs and bother people participating in an act that has only symbolic significance!

Hey, guys, I hear they're holding the Olympics in a city-state we don't agree with! Let's slaughter them while they try to play sports!

Sources:
"Beware of Greeks Bearing Placards." Tony Perrottet. NYTimes.com.
Images: us.yimg.com, meltaylor.files.wordpress.com (from the movie 300)

An Adventure in Symbology, Part 1: THE FLAME

2008-04-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

The Olympics Games are at their core a display of superb athleticism, clearly, but their mission is to serve a far loftier goal. The Olympics symbolize peace and international cooperation, and it has totally worked! Since 1896 we haven't had any global conflicts! ...Or, like, two World Wars. But let's leave that discussion for a later date, for today-- the Olympic Flame made its way to Argentina!

Each Olympic Season, the Torch is lit in Ancient Olympia in a very strange ceremony involving solar power and togas. No, really...

Back in the back in the day, in Ancient Greece, the Olympics were a time of relative peace in a violent world. (You've seen 300, right? It was like that, only without the loin cloths.) During the games, the Greek equivalents of the IOC would light a flame in front of Hera's temple that would burn throughout the games as a sign of peace.

Apparently, flames in front of temples were kind of like voicemail back then:
"Yo, you want to invade Athens?"
"Uhhh... I think I saw the Hera Torch was lit yesterday. Let me check... yup. No, no fighting for at least another couple days."
"Dammit! I was really looking forward to crushing the Athenians today."
"Patience, Leonidas. Tomorrow is another day. Our slaughter can wait until they're done with the naked wrestling."
"Oooh. Want to go watch?"
"Hell yes!"

The first modern torch relay was during the 1936 Olympics, better known as the Olympics Hitler Hosted and Jesse Owens Did That Thing At. A German history professor (named Carl Diem) decided it would be a good idea to bring the torch back. Because you know what the games were missing? Fire.

When I was a kid, I had this idea that the torch was carried on foot all the way around the world. When I learned otherwise, a little bit of me was crushed. I mean, I knew that runners couldn't actually run across the ocean, but I thought it was possible that it would be carried everywhere, by foot, relayed from cancer survivor to middle school teacher in a big fluffy burning symbolic gesture of togetherness. Of course that's not true. It took Phileas Fogg eighty days to circle the globe, after all, and he didn't have a torch to bear. Well, not a physical one anyway.

Instead, the Olympics is a fan of using a mix of conventional transportation (like boats, trains, and buses) and really weird transportation (like dog sled. Or Rube Goldberg Machine). For example, in 2000, the torch was carried over the Barrier Reef. And by over, I mean in the water. Submerged, but designed to stay lit. Perhaps the most ridiculous stretch of the term "relay" was in 1976, where the flame "was transformed into a radio signal," and then, according to Wikipedia, broadcast via satellite over to Canada, where it activated a laser to reignite the flame.

Canadians are crazy.

This year, the relay has already been in some trouble. Everywhere it travels, the Free Tibet protesters try to, um, protest it. The routes it traveled had to be altered in San Francisco, it had to be whisked away in a bus in France, and someone actually managed to extinguish the flame in London. (So much for ever-burning symbol of peace and cooperation...)

But that's not all! It is slated to make stops all over, including in Pyongyang, Dar Es Salaam, and (this will be awkward) Tibet. Seriously, the torch is going over Everest. Which is conveniently located within the most controversial topic of the Beijing Olympics. Awesome.

Look at it go! Whee!

So, will the torch continue to be a symbol of international peace and unity? Or will it become the symbol of China's unhealthy relationship with human rights? Stay tuned!

Coming Up:
Why Are So Many People Angry at China?
AND
Political Protests and the Olympics

Sources:
"Greeks test Beijing torch lighting." Mirror.uk.co. 3 March 2008.
"How Olympic Torches Work." Howstuffworks.com.
"Olympic Flame." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_torch.
Olympics. Chris Oxlade and David Ballheimer.
"Argentine Torch Relay Unhindered." http://news.bbc.co.uk. 11 April 2008.

Introduction

2008-04-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

The Olympics captivates the world.

It's true. Okay, so maybe the citizens of Palau are less likely than the average Swede to pay any attention to the decathalon... but it brings the world together in a way that very few other things do.

Competition without guns. Adversaries without violence (...except for wrestling. And judo. But those are different!). Hell, a united Korea without a complete restructuring of the world order. Sportsmanship trumping politics, or rather, interacting with and learning from politics in a completely unique way.

If I were honest when people ask me my favorite sport, I would say the Olympics, without hesitation. It's sport at its best: varied, fast, and with completely uninterrupted prime time coverage.

Welcome to Five Rings: Mount Olympics. After all, as we all know, the more epic it sounds, the more epic it is.