Monday, August 31, 2009

Lesson: Do Not Mess with Badass Olympians.

Hey, do you guys remember Dawn Fraser? Of course you do. Just to jog your memory, she was the amazing Australian swimmer and eight-time Olympic medalist who also was elected to the New South Wales Parliament after being banned from swimming for a decade for stealing Emporer Hirohito's Olympic flag at the Tokyo Olympics.

Ah, yes. THAT complete and total badass.

Quick quiz: does that kind of Olympic-sized awesome diminish over time?

Quick Answer: No.

Long Answer: A teenage boy came to Dawn Fraser's daughter's house one night this week. He grabbed her by the throat (clearly not realizing that this is DAWN fucking FRASER and you Do. Not. Mess. with her) and threatened to kill her.

Dawn Fraser would not be having with any of that nonsense.

As she told Australian television, "I grabbed him by the ear and I kicked him in the groin."

Fraser continued, "I have got a titanium knee so it must have hurt him."

A male friend came to help (though she was clearly doing just fine on her own) and they made the man lie on his stomach in the driveway until the police arrived.

This woman is an Official Australian Living Treasure for a reason, my friends.

Let this be a lesson to all the troubled youth out there: just because a woman is 71 years old does not mean she can't kick your ass with her titanium knee. Especially if she is an Olympian.

Citius, Altius, Fortius, my friends. Swifter, Higher, Stronger. Also, taking names.


Emily said...

I get confused about how anyone thinks it's a good idea to mess with Australians (even other Australians). So when you compound it by messing with an Australian Olympic champion why is anyone surprised when they are made out of actual titanium?

Lex said...

I honestly don't know why I bother having different tags for "badasses" and "Australians." This is a nationality that thinks NOTHING of PUNCHING a SHARK. The Iranian Navy is frightened of Australian fishermen. They eat tarantulas for breakfast.